


Sifting Through the Wreckage to Salvage Things Thought Lost

by TheKingHasSpoken



Category: Grand Theft Auto V
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-12 04:38:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3343925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKingHasSpoken/pseuds/TheKingHasSpoken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're just trying to visit your sister when things get a little out of hand and a lot to real too fast</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to San Andreas

You were in the state of San Andreas to see your younger sister, and though you were excited for the visit you couldn’t help but dread it a little bit due to the feeling of guilt you experienced when realizing you had not visited her once in the five years since she had moved to this state. What a good sibling you were. She was younger than you by almost seven years, and while you were the older one, when it came to you and your sisters relationship she was definitely the more mature one.

While you loved your sister very much, you could never bring yourself to actually visit her. You always thought that the rip was to long and to much of a waste of time because all you ever did when around your sister was sit around and talk. You could always talk with her over the phone even if the experience is not quite the same. But she has been begging you to come out to Paleto Bay and see her, claiming she had big news, but this is something she claimed every time when asking you to come visit. This time her usual begging seemed different and you could tell by her voice she was being serious this time, so you packed some bags and planned a flight out to San Andreas.

Once the plane landed in Los Santos at it’s international airport you could feel the dread fill within you. You could already tell there were going to be way to many people in this city, making you wish you could have landed closer to the city in which your sister decided to reside in. It’s not that you hated people or were antisocial, in fact you loved to interact with others very much, it’s just that compared to your home you were not used to so many people being in one place and to be quite frank the large number of people made you feel uneasy.

After you get off the plane and into the airport you headed to the baggage claim and, after waiting about thirty minutes, you finally get you luggage and head out of the large airport. Once outside you realized just how busy this city was, there was a large crowd of people standing outside along with you, many complaining about various things, and while there was still enough light outside, the lights signifying that nightlife has slowly begun were turned on. You could see lights for miles making you wonder just how big this city really was. From the plane it did not look like much but you guess you were wrong.

You quickly hail a cab, or at least try to as it takes you almost an hour before ever getting one, people either stole your cab or the cab drivers just seemed to over look you. Once you finally flag a taxi down, you throw your belonging into the trunk, only keeping a bag full of important items like your wallet with you and hop into the back seat. You get as comfortable as you can in the less than tidy backseat and let out a sigh before asking the driver to take you to the nearest rental car dealer. You did not want to take any kind of lengthy journey in this cab. The floor was sticky and noticeably dirty with little bits of litter here and there, the seats were torn and uncomfortable, and the entire vehicle smelled vaguely of vomit and what you figured was spoiled food though you could not see any. Shortly after the driver pulled off you pull out your smart phone and begin looking through the rather short list of contacts and find your sister, listed only as **Nancy** , and press the call button. “(Y/N)!” you hear on the other end of the call, her voice was soft yet excited and just hearing it made you smile because you could practically hear the giant grin that was more than likely plastered across her face.

You give out a tired laugh and reply with “hey there Nancy.” she gives you a loud and unintelligible sound in response before you continue to say “I cannot believe you have finally dragged me out to this awful state. This ‘big news’ excuse better be good this time.” you knew she definitely had something big planned but you liked to tease her like the older sister you were.

"San Andreas isn’t as bad as you think (y/n), it’s pretty nice, especially out here on the south side. It’s a little redneck but it’s nice."

"These news had better be good Nancy."

"Oh yeah!" she lets out a short laugh, "it’s good. Really good! But, like, I’m so excited to see you oh my gosh!" she lets out the second sentence so fast it almost blended together. Something she had a habit of doing but never tried to correct.

You laugh contently, she was always so excited about everything, nothing was ever dull to her. “Would you mind sending me your address again? I accidentally deleted our string of messages on the plane. It wouldn’t be to great if I got lost out here.” She didn’t say anything but you knew she nodded her head.

"So when do you think you’ll get out here?’ she asked you.

It was already late, the sun had set and you guessed the drive out to her area would take about six hours. “Sometime tomorrow, I’ll probably get a hotel on the way there. I doubt I’ll make the entire drive out there tonight.” you told her. With how tired you were you didn’t know if you could even make it out of the city. She gave you and upbeat and positive ‘Ok! see ya soon!’ in response and proceeded to hang up. Almost immediately you receive the text containing her address followed by about ten heart emojis.

You smile and look out the window at the city, still so bright in contrast to the night sky. Almost every building was lit up a different color with more than colorful names to attract attention. After about fifteen minutes or so you hear the driver inform you that the destination is close by, you thank him in response and continue to stare out the window until the car comes to a stop at the dealership.

Finally the task of obtaining a car to drive is completed, though the task took much to long for your tastes as it took over two complete hours that were not only a complete waste but an entire load of bullshit. You hop into the front seat of the newer car and adjust everything in preparation to drive. The car was fairly nice, a total upgrade from the cab, and had a nice smell to it with ample enough space. Pulling out your phone and placing it on the dash, you enter the address of your sisters home into the maps and hope that the GPS will not get you lost as it so often liked to do. You floor the gas and hit the road. Driving through the city had you constantly amazed and your eyes never stopped looking around, as much as you hated to admit, it really was a beautiful city. The lights of the buildings and cars almost blurred together to you and the stores around had you almost pull over and stop by at them, but you knew better than to stop because you would blow all your money in an instant with all the fancy stores out here. You found the sounds in the city oddly relaxing, maybe because the city did sound much like home but tenfold. While it was kind of relaxing you could do without the less than polite remarks aimed towards you or the rude conversations loudly spoken by passerby’s. The city seemed nice from the safety of your car but you figured it was more than likely not as great as it seemed, and you knew for sure the traffic was the worst thing you wanted to experience at this moment. You hit every red light on the way to the highway and sat at each one for longer than you were used to. It was 10:35 at night and you figured if it was this bad then it was much worse around five, when everyone gets off work, and the mere thought of that traffic made you put the mere idea of living in Los Santos out of your mind.

The traffic does lighten significantly as you get closer to the outskirts of the large city and you can finally hit the highway full speed. Looking out the window you note how beautiful the scenery is and how drastically it changed from the city to all the green you see now, though it was a gradual change but it still seemed drastic. The change is rather pleasant. You look up at the night sky and notice how many more starts you can see without all the light pollution form the city’s lights, you were always fond of the night sky and being able to see so many now that you were out of the city caused you to smile wide. The road seems to open up along with the landscape and it feels freeing, comforting and the air seems fresher with it. Though the air being fresher was probably untrue but you suppose the freeing feeling of the road just gives the air a sense of freshness. The drive turns into one of enjoyment rather than one that feels like a mission.

You could drive all night if you really wanted but you figured you should stop as soon as possible considering the lines on the road were beginning to cross in your eyes. It was a little past one in the morning. The drive continues though as you cruise along the highway in hopes to find a hotel, the closest you could find was a sign for a motel saying it was somewhere in the area after you take the next exit. Motels were inherently creepy, maybe it was all those horror movies you watched when you were younger but all that motels bring to your mind is dirty acts and crime. A hotel seemed like a long and forgotten dream at this point, “ _Maybe I should have stayed in the city_ ,” you think to yourself.

The motel is located in the desert city of Sandy Shores, a rough and dirty looking small town with the motel at the back next to a large body of probably toxic water apparently called the Alamo Sea. You park in the small lot outside of the motel and check into a room, the woman at the front desk seemed nice enough but also very rough, the room was seemingly the same. At first glance it looks nice but it is obviously much rougher than that and slightly dirtier as well. It is small and cluttered, all that the room offered was a small bed and a television that sat atop a small dresser, a bathroom with poor lighting that one could barely turn themselves around in and a fridge in one corner of the room. But hey, there was air-conditioning so that was pretty good, that would probably come in handy. You sat your bags down by the door and throw yourself onto the hopefully clean bed.

It doesn’t take you long to realize that sleep was simply not an option at the moment but flipping through fuzzy channels on the television and staring at the ceiling were still a much safer option than driving. The car and yourself probably wouldn’t have survived the night if you continued the journey to Nancy’s. You turned off the T.V. and left the room to wander outside and despite the fact that it was almost two in the morning the town seemed alive. There were people all over town, some could be seen and other could only be heard, and of course half of all the people were drunk. This made you remember the bar that was on the other side of town around where you drove in and you decided to walk the seemingly lengthy walk there, figuring that a little alcohol would do you some good. While walking there there was plenty to entertain yourself with, from looking up at the stars to watching drunkards stumble and fall or fight with each other. Wondering if this was an everyday occurrence here in Sandy shores or if you just happened to come into town on a lucky night, you continued to walk, either option was nice.

You make your way into the bar, which is called the yellow Jack Inn, and the strong smell of alcohol hit you like a brick wall but the place was filled with people having a good time. The barmaid welcomed you, she was an older redheaded woman who seemed nice but everyone seemed nice at first glance to you tonight, maybe because you were just tired. You give the barmaid a sincere smile in response to her welcome and take a seat at the end of the bar close to the wall. There was one seat that separated you from an old man that was less than hygienic and reeked of shit. Hopefully he was a farmer and that was it. The barmaid walks over and asks you what you would like to drink, “A bottle of Pißwasser please,” you ask and she walks away coming back moment later and gladly hands you the beverage. She informs you of the price of the bottle before she turns away and continues on with a conversation she was previously taking part in. Slowly taking sips from the drink as you listen in on the conversations that were being held around you was something you liked to do and while you didn’t understand much of what was being said, as it all had to do with local happenings, you were still happy. It made you feel included in these kinds of situations. You smile and take a drink of the alcohol. Every once in awhile an argument would get to hot and you could hear someone begin to get a little to loud or flat out begin to yell but laughter always soon followed, the locals sure seemed to know how to resolve disputes around here. You couldn’t help feel disappoint though as you were hoping to see a bar fight ensue, you always loved a good fight.

Soon you realize that you finished your drink and before you have the chance to ask for a new one the barmaid walks over and hand you a new one. “From the man at the end,” she states with a bit of an attitude in her voice this time and a thumb pointed towards the other end of the bar. You stare at the glass bottle in front of you in surprise and lean over the counter to glance down past the men sitting between you and the mystery man. You couldn’t see very well so you just smile towards him and hold the bottle up in thanks then continue by leaning back to drink the cool beverage. It was free so it tasted all the better.

Not even halfway through the new bottle of beer and the older woman hands you a drink, a shot, and says, “From the same man,” then continues to lean in close, “Look, I wouldn’t get to close to that man. He’s nothin but trouble sweetheart.” She whispered with a smile, clearly trying not to upset the man at the other end of the bar.

You leaned in closer, “I wouldn’t dare turn down a free drink ma’am.” You lean back and down the shot, “God knows I need it.” you say after a cough that followed the downing of the shot. The woman sighs and walks away shaking her head and you laugh as you were beginning to feel a bit tipsy. You could never pass up a free drink, you weren’t raised to pass up free anything, free was good and free was getting you to feel good enough. Maybe you could actually sleep tonight.

Thirty minutes later and who knows how many free drinks later you were drunk and there was no doubt about it. Those drinks were strong and you were a fool to keep going, but hey, they were free! You downed one last shot and stumbled to your feet, the man from the other end of the bar who had gotten you drunk came walking over to you and took the seat that was next to the one you were once sitting in. He grinned while offering you the beer in his hand and you sloppily take the bottle into your hand. you smile at him and take a rather large drink form the glass bottle and hand it back to him. “I-I may be drunk.” you think to yourself.

"Baby, you’re not drunk enough," the man says in a low growl.

"I said that ou’loud? Man. I think. I think I should go home." you slur the words but you say them happily. Your legs wobble and you almost fall but luckily the man catches you, he helps you stand up and snakes one arm around your waist.

"I’ll help you get there, sweetcheeks." he said as he continues to kiss your neck, "just tell me where your staying." he whispers into your ear.

You laugh a little, “I think you know.” you whispered breathlessly, earning you a bite on the neck and a low growl in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you finished reading this? Cool! I've never written anything like this before so you're reading the first and I sure hope it is decent! I know it's probably a little slow and uninteresting but hey, it's a first chapter, it can't be all that great as I was really just trying to set everything up. Hopefully I didn't make to many mistakes and such. Well, I hope you enjoyed it and will be willing to come back and read more. uvu  
> Hopefully me and this fic will get better as I go ;)


	2. Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was able to get this one out pretty fast! Hopefully you enjoy.

Waking up the next morning was like waking up in hell, it was hot and painful. The heat was almost unbearable as the sheets stuck your skin from sweat and your hair practically glued to your forehead which was pounding. The world could end now for all you cared. You couldn’t bring yourself to get out of the bed due to the splitting headache, it didn’t matter how hot it was, so you turn over and bury your face in the pillow and just lay there. Eventually mustering up enough strength you decide to get up, rolling back over and rubbing the blur out of your vision. Then you sit up, which was like peeling a sticker off of it’s paper, and immediately realize that you were not in the motel room that should have been the place to wake up in. The room around you was small, dirty and stunk to high heaven. The only similarity between your motel room and this one was the television across from the bed, though this one was obviously broken and had no business being there anymore. But not only was the room different and wrong, but your choice of clothing was as well, you were naked. You couldn’t believe it. Sleeping usually went without a shirt but this was new and you were starting to regret going out drinking last night. You couldn’t remember anything after the second free drink you received. Hopefully nothing to bad happened last night but you doubted that.

"Ah, so you’re finally awake huh?" said a man standing in the doorway of the tiny bedroom wearing nothing but a dirty pair of sweatpants. A gasp escapes your lips and you quickly grab at the sheets to cover yourself up as much as possible, completely embarrassed and trying to look in every direction but him in shame. You could not believe what you must have done last night, it was blatantly obvious that you slept with this man and that was a huge mistake. "Hey now, it ain’t nothin I haven’t seen before." he says with a smirk as he sits down onto the edge of the bed. "So. Why don’t you but them blankets back down and show me that beautiful chest of yours. And maybe we can continue with what we were doin last night, eh?" You shot your eyes back up to meet his, expression blank but eyes fiery and full of anger.

' _How dare he talk that way to me_.' you thought. It was not helping at the moment and made you feel worse.

"Hey, now that’s what I like to see!" he grins, "Feisty and ready for anything!" he reaches out to touch you and you jump back, not in the mood for any of this right now. You were confused and feeling bad about the actions you must have done, the motel was beginning to sound like heaven at the moment and a dream long forgotten. The mans expression clearly turn to one of anger and he quickly jumps to his feet. “So you still don’t remember?” he laughs and begins shaking a pointed finger in your direction. “You know, it’s funny, most people don’t think of me as a forgettable guy.” You stare at him in confusion and the innocent act clearly makes the situation worse as he begins to yell. “For fucks sake (y/n)!” It takes you a few moments of staring but it finally all clicks in your head.

"Trevor." you whisper to yourself as you lower you gaze to look at the sheets. A smile forms at the corners of your mouth, a smile of both disbelief and anger, and you shake your head a little bit.

"That’s right!" he shouts, you could not tell if the tone in his voice was still that of anger or if it was happiness you could hear. Either way he was much to loud for the awful pain your head was experiencing. "Has the princess finally awoken from her dream?" Ok. His tone was definitely spiteful and angry. "It’s only been ten short years." he outstretched his arms in an animated manner.

So you forgot this man but how could anyone blame you for it? Compared to how he used to look and the way he looks now, he has considerably worsened and hardened in features. Not that he was ever the nicest or cleanest looking guy around to begin with. Upon closer inspection you notice that Trevor has an abundance of new scars and new tattoos, most noticeable was the huge tattoo on the side of his arm, there were obvious signs of drug use all over his body, his hair has thinned even more and his expression has gone from perpetual anger to something that bordered evil. Though when he did smile that sense of anger and evil disappeared. The loss of the mullet and handlebar mustache was a very nice touch though.

You stood up as you laughed at him. “Fuck you!” you shouted as loud as you possibly could get your voice, the heat made your throat dry so it didn’t get very loud, and pressed a pointed finger to his chest. You no longer cared that there were no clothes on your body, anger was the only thing you felt at this current moment. “Fuck you. You’re a giant fucking asshole, you know that?” the pointed finger turned into a palm as you slapped his chest as hard as you could before pushing him out of the way. You begin to look for your clothing but not very hard, and Trevor just silently watches and enjoys the view. He stands there as you get everything on but a shirt. “Where. The fuck.” you sigh, “Where the fuck is my shirt?” you mumble to yourself and place your hands on your hips while lazily looking around for the lost article of clothing.

"You can’t possibly tell me that you seriously forgot _the_ Trevor Philips.” he says as his arms wrap around your waist from behind causing you to freeze in place. He kisses your neck and tries to drag your pants back down your waist. You seriously were not in the mood for any of his shit. It’s difficult but you turn yourself around while in his arms and see him smirk. You angrily smile and use all your strength to push him away and off of you.

"Go fuck yourself Trevor Philips." the tone you used was mocking and angry when saying his name. Storming out of the tiny bedroom and into the larger living area you notice that he did not live well. At all. The room was even dirtier than the last, there was food and insects everywhere, you felt sorry for him but not enough to stick around. "How can you blame me for forgetting you, ya look a hell of a lot worse than you used to." you tried to drown every word with venom as you looked around the room.

"You ain’t much of a catch anymore either, sweet cheeks." you hear from the bedroom and he was right, over the years you started to care less and it’d be a lie if you said you didn’t let yourself go a little bit.

"Whatever."

"What the hell is your problem?" he says as he stands in the bedroom doorway again.

"You’re my problem." you turn to look him in the eyes. "How dare you do this to me. It’s been ten fucking years Trevor! I never heard a single fucking thing from you, I thought you were dead, and now when I least expect it you come back and ruin everything!" you turn back around and storm out of the trailer with him still trailing behind.

"So what!? You just gonna leave me? Huh!? Like everyone else!" he yells after you, "We could be something again!"

Swinging back around you shout, “Fuck you! You left me first!” as you turn back around you continue with, “What do you expect? For me to just stay here? Like nothing happened!?” when almost off the property you stop and turn back to him. “Ya know, I waited for an entire year to hear something from you and when I didn’t I was fucking devastated. I didn’t hear a single god damn thing from or about you Trevor.” you lowered your voice and placed your hands on the fence behind. “I figured that after that heist went wrong you took the chance to finally leave me, that you were one hundred percent done with me. But you know what? I decided to tell myself that you were dead, crazy right? Trevor Philips dead. Like something as easy as a job gone wrong could bring you down. But it was so much easier to trick myself into thinking that than to think you just abandoned me.” He tried to get closer to you and speak but you backed away to continue, “So ya know what!? Excuse me for not remembering you! Or even noticing that you were you despite how much you changed, you know, considering to me you were a dead man.” Flipping him off, you spun around on your heel and began to run down the street not entirely knowing where you were going. The trailer he lived in was not in the same area that you had seen before but you had a vague idea of where you were since he lived across the gas station you saw when entering the town.

As you ran down the street you remembered that you were still not wearing a shirt making you feel a bit self conscious at this point as you cooled down a little but you couldn’t stop at this point. In the distance you could hear Trevor yelling at god knows what and your goal was to get as far as possible. Eventually you spot the motel and rush as fast as your legs can carry you towards it. Once finally inside the room that you were supposed to have waken up in you take a shower, you felt so dirty and all you could think of was washing off the grime. You step out of the shower, change into a new outfit and check out with luggage in hand. You throw the heavy bags into the back of your rental car then proceed to speed out of the parking lot and Sandy Shores as fast as you can. Purposefully driving by Trevor’s trailer just to spite him and luckily you find him to still be outside, you roll down the driver side window and extend your middle finger while shouting, “Fuck you!” as you drove by. He shouts something in response but you cannot hear him over the roar of the car engine and the distance put between the car and his home.

Once back on the freeway you drive like the wind and roll down all the car windows to get some air because you were on the verge of hyperventilating. It was hard to breath, maybe it was a panic attack but you had no way of knowing, unsure of the reason behind the feeling or maybe trying to deny the reason. You’re fighting back tears and eventually you just have to pull over at the side of the road when you first can. You couldn’t take it anymore and begin to cry, banging your fists on the wheel of the car and scream. There was no reason to feel as bad as you did, you did nothing wrong, but it did now feel like a large part of your life was a lie and that you went through so much pain for no reason.

This day was awful and you already wanted to go back to bed.

Once feeling totally drained you step out of the car and hop onto the trunk of it. The air outside felt nice on your hot cheeks. You tried to hold yourself together as you pull out your phone and dial Nancy’s number. It doesn’t take long for her to pick up. “(Y/N)!! are you almost here?” she asks you in her bubbly voice.

"Yeah." you pause because you can hear the sound of you own voice. You sound like you’ve been crying and it makes you feel stupid for not trying to clean up your act better before calling her. "No." it was small and quickly thrown out there for your sister to hear.

"What’s wrong (y/n)? Has something happened? Do I need to come get you? I can come get you." she rambles out.

Tears were welling up again and you shake your head, “I don’t know what to do Nancy.” She once again asks what is wrong. Bringing one knee up to your chest to rest your head on, you sigh and whisper, “It’s Trevor,” there was a long quiet and awkward pause before you continue with, “Nancy, it was Trevor. No dobt about it, considering we had a huge argument about everything. Well more like I yelled a lot and he listened.” you let out a pitiful laugh. “He must have found me as I was passing through Sandy Shores last night. I don’t know what to do.” you began to sob. “Nancy.” It was a pathetic attempt at saying her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how was it? Was it pretty good? Did you enjoy? Did you not enjoy? Personally I feel like it was a little lame but I was as happy as I could get with the chapter. Things got very real very fast. Also I'm sorry to kind of have to give you, the reader, a roughly set age. Though it is important.  
> I'm not the greatest with dialogue but I tried, I don't think I did to bad though, right?  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the read~ uvu


	3. Chance Encounter

The year was 1994 and it was as now covered as always in wintery North Yankton. You were driving back to your apartment in Ludendorff after going out to celebrate one of your closest friends twenty-first birthday even though her actual birthday was two weeks ago, this was the only night you and everyone could get together, so happy belated twenty-first birthday party in the city. Now because you were the designated driver, much to your distaste, you were unable to drink as much as you wanted but that didn’t stop you from getting a buzz going. Thanks a lot to your friends for helping you out on that by buying drinks and giving them to you. You were only twenty, a few months out from turning twenty one yourself, and your age certainly wasn’t going to stop you from anything. You were not forty, you did not have to limit yourself, you were going to drink no matter what. But sadly that buzz you worked so hard to get going was starting to fade now at this point as the town where you lived came closer in distance. At least you weren’t to bad off and could get yourself home get home without the use of a ride for you and a tow for your car. Your old Hyundai Excel probably would have thanked the gods for a tow though as the thing was getting old and falling apart. The red heap of junk made it all these years and it’s still going strong but that’s only with the help of money.

The sun was going to soon begin to threaten entry into the sky once again for daybreak and you sincerely wished you would be home in time to miss it. The sky is slowly starting to turn from dark blue to orange. Ludendorff was not far off so maybe you could make it despite having to drive cautiously with the slick snow covered road. As you drive down the deserted path you notice someone walking on the side of it, they are clearly not dressed right as they walked on without a good coat and even a shirt. ' _They have got to be drunk'_. You slow your car as you near them and call out. They pause and slowly look over towards the car, bend down to see into it and catch sight of you at the wheel. After looking at him up close you had to admit that he wasn’t half bad. Nice head of brown hair though receding a tiny bit, good build, had to be almost thirty which wasn't bad, but you had a feeling that this man was off a bit and you could not place why you thought this. One look into his eyes told you that you should have just kept driving and you must have been crazier than they could ever because you continued with, “Do ya need a ride buddy?”

He looks at you dead in the eyes for a moment then takes his eyes off of yours and stares into space for a few more moments before finally looking back at you, clearly suspicious, and finally waves his hand dismissively with a ‘nah’. He begins to walk once again and you slowly pull forward and ask if he is sure about that and again if he needs a ride. "Nah beautiful, not tonight." he absent mindedly says as he continues his stride. Again you ask if he needs the ride. He stops and shouts “Fine!” as he opens the door of your slow moving car and steps into it, “are you happy now? You got me into your car.” he looks at you. “So what do you want to do with me now?” he sounds more sexual than anything as he says the last part. His voice was another thing to add to the list of good things about this guy.

"How about we get you home before I decide to do anything else." you give him a playful smile and he returns with a smirk as you begin to pick up speed. Wanting to make conversation, even though that is not one of your strongest traits with strangers, you fumble with what to say in your mind before speaking. "So, uh, where’s the clothing that belongs on your upper half? Or do you normally walk around half naked in the snow." You couldn’t tell if making jokes around this guy would play off well but this one at least definitely did not because he looks more angry than anything.

He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes as his frown gets a little worse. Eventually he speaks up with, “Oh ha HA. Make fun of the guy clearly going through some rough times.” He turns to look at you. “Nice.” You glance back at him and apologize before asking what was wrong. “It’s not important.” the two of you sit in awkward silence a few seconds until he continues with, “I lost a bet ok? And some money. In poker. I lost a bad game. It wasn’t my fault, they cheated me. They took advantage.” You couldn’t help but laugh, and you laughed hard at this to the point of almost crying. “Hey hey hey! Don’t laugh at that.” You apologized once again and he turns to look out the window.

You ride in now what feels more like a comfortable silence for a few miles until he man suddenly and loudly speaks up, “Hey. I need you to take me to the nearest convenience store, I need some beer. It won't take long.” he continues to stare out the window. “I know it’s not home, but, I _really_  need it."

"Rough night?" it was an innocent remark but he mocks you after saying it and you chuckle at the childishness. After complying you see one in sight within minutes and pick up a bit of speed to reach it faster. You drive into the lot of the slightly run down store and park right in front of its doors. You turn to look at him, "Please be fast about it. I want to make it home before the sun comes up." He stares itno your eyes for a few seconds before grunting and exiting the car. "He-y wait a second." you call out after him.

"What now?" he shouts back as he stops right in front of the doors. He doesn’t turn back to look at you.

"You kind of need some form of a shirt to go in there." He tries to tell you that that isn’t true as he turns to look at you but you don’t bother listening to him and proceed to remove your jacket off and toss it towards him. He catches the pink article of clothing and quickly puts it on, zips it up and throws the hood over his head. He gives you a sarcastic smile and a theatrical bow before turning back around and walking into the store. Admittedly the jacket looked better on him than you. maybe because he was taller and built different or maybe because it was tighter on him than you, whatever the reason he pulled off pink much better than you.

After you watch him enter the store you go and turn the radio on, find a suitable station for listening and sit there waiting. The rock song on the radio quickly transitions into the song The Sign and you couldn’t help but start signing along. Every once in awhile you look back at the strange man you picked up and  see him just wandering about the place so you decide to pay him no attention. Getting pretty into the song you begin to dance, but if anyone were to ask you if that were true you would deny all facts about it. It was a good song though, how could you not get into it? The beat was good.

The song is coming to an end and you’re still rocking out to it as the passenger door opens up, scaring the hell out of you making you jump, hopefully he didn't notice you acting silly. The man hops in with a case of beer under on arm and a bag full of cash in the other hand yelling at you to drive as he throws the bag under his seat. You look back into the store and see nothing but a mess and blood everywhere near the register, the sight alone causing you to immediately back up out of the parking lot and speeding down the road. The car comes to a stop at the side of the road ten minutes later once you feel that there is enough distance between you and the store. Breathing hard and heart racing, you sit there with your head resting on the wheel between your hands until you calm down enough to scream, “What in the fuck was that!?” before you turn to face him.

He looks at you as if you were stupid. “A robbery. What else would it be.” he says as he grabs a beer out of the stolen case. “Want one?” his hand gestures the glass bottle towards you.

"No I don’t want a fucking beer!" you push the bottle away. "What the fuck am I supposed to do? I just became an accomplice to a crime with a man I don’t even know!" you say more to yourself than to him.

The man quickly finishes taking a swig of the beer as if he just remembered he left the oven on at home. “The name’s Trevor Philips.” He holds his hand out to you. “It’s nice to meet ya sweet cheeks.” he says with a wink and a smirk.

"Yeah, hey, nice to meet you Trevor Philips. I’m (y/f/l/n)." You rush out as you shake his hand, "but knowing your name doesn’t change the fact that I essentially helped you rob that convenience store! I mean I know I’m a bad person but I never thought I’d begin doing crimes." you ramble to yourself.

"Look." he holds his hands up and slowly places one on your shoulder, "we aren’t going to get caught, ok? That wasn't even a very bad crime."

"There was blood everywhere! I could see it from the car Trevor. What did you do?"

"Head wounds tend to bleed, a lot, yeah, but all I did was rough him up a bit. Promise. It's fine." He stares into your eyes as the next sentence comes out, "no one is going to catch us." He enunciated each word and syllable.

"Are you sure? Even with the mess you made?"

"Yes." slowly he removes his hand from your shoulder and goes back to drinking the beer. He seemed so sure of himself it made you feel like you could trust him. Not that that was a good sign. He probably did things like this all the time. "Now let’s go back to your place and have a little after party, eh?" It’s subtle but you notice as he grinds his hips into the air as the suggestion was being said. Rolling your eyes, immediately changing moods, you tell him to get our of the car and he does as he is told with a nonchalant shrug. Before he closes the door he leans down and asks, "You sure about this?" He quickly grabs the bag before he forgets and tucks it under the jacket.

"Yes, I’m very sure" you took the same tone with him as he did when trying to calm you down. "Now close the door so I can leave." It would probably be safe to get as far away as possible as fast as possible.

"Alright." He nods and raises his hands in surrender before closing the door and standing up straight. You slam your foot on the gas pedal and speed off leaving Trevor behind in snowy dust. He appears in the rearview mirror giving a speedy salute as he watches the car drive away, still wearing your bright pink coat with the case under one arm. It was a ridiculous sight.

You don’t get far before you tell yourself ‘fuck it’ and turn the car around. You turn so fast and so hard that the tires skid and snow is thrown everywhere. You must have been one of the stupidest people on the planet to voluntarily go back to a man who just committed a crime. A man who probably just killed another man. You would probably regret this decision but for some reason you felt like doing it. Your heart is still racing and you felt the need to do something. Still standing where you left him, grinning like a mad man, is the strange and crazy man you left behind. “God I’m so fucking stupid for this.” you say as you harshly come to a stop next to him and reach over to open the passengers side door. “Get in.” it was practically a demand.

He happily obliges and steps back into the car then places both the beer and money at his feet. “So, you changed your mind about ole Uncle T?” He licks his lips and slowly rocks his hips in your direction.

"No, I just fucking decided it’d be a good night to just sit around with a psychopathic criminal in my piece of shit car. You know, like I do every Saturday night." He lets out a short but loud laugh before you quickly reach over and grab him by the coat to pull him in for a kiss. The kiss was rough and hot. Trevor growls into it before pulling you back gently by your hair to whisper into your ear.

"The only criminal here is you ‘cause it’s illegal to make me this horny this fast." he bites your neck.

You roll you eyes at how bad the joke was between the pleasurable bites he gives to your neck and shakily breath out, “This better be a good party.” You push him back and go in for another kiss.


	4. Face to Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tried changing the viewpoint, hopefully it's not to bad. If it's no good tell me. :)

I still sat atop the trunk of the rental car even after over two hours have passed. Nancy was still on the phone with me, trying to calm me down as we talked, I couldn't help my emotions during the conversation as we (or better yet I) reminisced about the past. We went over everything from when I first met Trevor to when the last day happened, from the good to the bad like when he almost accidentally burned down my apartment. It was funny. He tried being cool and killing a spider on the wall with one of those homemade blowtorches that was nothing but a can of hairspray and a lighter, long story short, some things caught fire and I had to put out the carpet that was set ablaze by the spreading flames. Trevor was banned from that small apartment for three months. Nancy laughed with me as I went over that story again for probably the billionth. She listened as I went on and on about all this and must have been tired of it at this point. She was truly a good sister. I often think I don't deserve her especially with the way things have been and the way I have acted.

Over the years she has been there for me despite the resentment she felt, she was never fond of Trevor and my relationship with him strained ours. After she first met Trevor she told me her opinion and wanted us to break up but she dealt with that, she put up with all the shit because she knew he made me happy. There was a period where we never spoke and I'm sure it broke her heart. A day does not go by where I feel bad for it. Nancy was easily and without a doubt my best friend, she stuck through it all with me unlike other friends I had and even our older brother. Nancy was there for me when I wasn't for her. Those were not good years for us but recently I've been trying to make it up to her. That's partly why I'm here in this godforsaken state and with all that in mind, Nancy surely must have been tired of listening to me drone on and on about the past.

I was brought back out of those thoughts by the sound of a loud engine. It wasn't the same as the others that had been passing by me the past two hours, no, it was louder and grittier. It couldn't be from any of these sporty cars, motorbikes or odder vehicles that have been driving down the freeway. Looking up I can see it, the source of the loud sound, coming right for me. It was a large red truck that must have been built for off road as it was speeding off of the freeway long past it's boundary line, though it sometimes would drive at least halfway on it. The monstrosity turns to it's side and screeches to a halt only five feet away from me and my rental. I can't help but cough at the dust that the truck throws up into my face. The engines hum dies and out steps the crazy driver who, after clearing the dust from my view, is without a doubt Trevor. Scowl and all but at least he now wore a shirt to match the same dirty sweatpants he was wearing this morning. He slams the door shut as hard as he possibly can and I quickly try to wipe my face. I can't possibly let him see that I had been crying.

"Why the hell did you leave?" he yells as he takes the few steps that close the distance between us, throwing whatever he had in his hands towards me as he does so. I clumsily catch the object. I was never all that good at catching things that people threw at me, or dodging, actually I was never good at handling objects coming at me. Unless flinching really bad counts. I unfold it to see the shirt that was left behind at the mess of a trailer this morning. While feeling the fabric in my hands I notice that it is considerably more dirty than I last remember. Who knows what he did with the thing but I cant help feel the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile over the gesture of returning it, but not enough so that he'd notice, even if Trevor did basically hunt me down.

"I didn't just leave Trevor." the words came out softer than intended and I couldn't help my gaze slowly drift from the crumpled up shirt in my hands to the ground beneath Trevor's feet. I particularly trying to focus on the little beetle that was now trying to climb his boot. Hopefully he wouldn't get squished because the little thing was a good enough distraction to keep me calm and it deserved to live just for that reason.

"Yes. You did." he was clearly mad and trying to keep calm but he was still on the verge of yelling. I could tell but he was always pretty good about not going ballistic around me. "And I want to know why."

Quickly I look back up at him. "Trevor I never came back!" emphasis was placed on the fact. "I never came back here for you, I didn't even want to come to this place. If anything I just happened to be around you and I certainly never imagined seeing you again. I made a drunken mistake not even knowing who I was making the mistake with, ok?" Suddenly I remember that Nancy was still on the phone that was now pressed against my shoulder and cheek. I silently hang up knowing this conversation was going to get bad. Nancy didn't need to hear it. She's heard enough shit from me about this situation, she didn't need to hear anything more from me and especially nothing from Trevor. She would understand later as long as I explained.

"Mistake?" he repeats that mostly to himself. He was looking at ground between us and balling his hands into fists. The little beetle that served as my distraction got knocked out of harms way as Trevor shifted his weight and moved his feet while he was at it.

"Go home Trevor. I don't want anything to do with you."

Suddenly he takes one large step closer and stares intensely into my eyes. "I'm not leaving until I get some answers."

That was it. I'm pissed. I rise to my feet so fast it made the blood rush to my head. " _You_ want answers?" a chuckle escapes me and I toss the shirt onto the trunk behind me. " _I'm_ the one who wants fucking answers here! You're the one who just up and fucking left! No word, no warning, no nothing! You never even told me what you would do if things went bad. You just left!" I spit off to the side for effect. "So I am the one who deserves some answers."

"Well!" he seems at a loss for words and he pauses. "You never let me speak earlier." He huffs and continues to stare with eyes full of anger. The guy must be waiting for me to show that he can speak, simply just to know that I actually am done talking and won't interrupt him. I just shrug my aching shoulders and wave my free hand in that 'what are you waiting for' kind of way. His head dips with a single nod and he continues, "You saw the news. You knew I couldn't just come back to you."

"You didn't have to just leave though." I crossed my arms.

"Hey! I'm talking now." I nod my head to one side and smile, admittedly it was funny the way he said it. "I did have to _'just leave_.' As you could tell by the news, everything went wrong."

"Why didn't you just tell me what I could have done if things went wrong, like it did, and maybe we wouldn't be having this argument right now. Years later after the fact."

"Nothing was supposed to happen!" he shouts.

"You're telling me that you guys didn't have a plan B? That's a little weird for a group of criminals." I couldn't help but be sassy, there was a lot of emotions pent up and I wasn't quite sure how to deal with them now that the cause was right in front of me. _Confronting me._

"We did have one. It just didn't account for what happened. It was supposed to be an easy job! well, easy for how big the score was. But no. Someone ratted us out and everything went downhill fast. I was on the run for years! There was no way I could just _get_ you, everything, and just leave." I mumble a little something to myself. "What was that?" he asked sounding even more angry.

"I said, you could have brought me with you. _You could have quickly come back and gotten me_. I would have gone too. At that point of my life I was just happy being with you Trevor." I straighten my back in confidence.

"(Y/N) you aren't understanding here." He takes the two steps towards me successfully pushing me back to the cars trunk, which I gladly sat back down on, and placed his hands either side of me. "I. Could not. Go back. They knew who I was. By the time I could even get back to you the cops probably knew where we lived, they would have caught me. No problem. I would have gone away for life. I already went to prison once, I did not intend on spending the rest of my life there." he sighs. "Look. I didn't want to leave you. No. I would have loved to get you, to run away together, be criminals on the lamb! It woulda been great." a laugh escapes him. "Trust me I would have loved that. But it couldn't be done."

"Whatever." I look back out into the freeway at the speeding cars and absent mindedly begin to pick at the sleeve of the shirt that is currently on me.

"You don't believe me, eh?"

"No." I stated matter-of-factly. "I don't. But you know what Trevor?" I shake my head. "I honestly don't care. I just wanted some kind of an answer after finding out you were alive, ya know? I've moved on. Even if I did have to make up your death to do so. But it was painful, really painful, one of the most painful things I've very done. It took years. I was alone for so long after that. My family didn't speak to me, I had no friends, I was grieving alone. But eventually I got over it and I made a new life for myself." I look back into his eyes, "I grew up and I moved on. I'm sure you did too. In your own fucked up way."

"Was it really that bad with me?" he asked.

"Looking back at everything, yeah, it was. I didn't have much going for me. Or should I say we? But I was happy and it was fun and I could have been with you forever. I didn't mind." I involuntarily smile. "I really loved you. Ya bastard." laughing a bit at myself at how pathetic I must have sounded but I can hear him laugh along just as pitifully.

"I loved you too." he whispers.

"I know. Even if we technically never were anything." he smiles at that last bit. "But that part of our lives is over Trevor and now I would like to just go home."

"You live here?"

"No. I'm visiting Nancy. Remember her? My sister who hated you?"

He nods." Yeah. She was a giant pain."

"She was not that bad. At least around you. She knows how to be civil, unlike a certain hot headed boyfriend I once had." I laughed wholeheartedly at that because back before everything happened Trevor always tried picking a fight with her. He bickered, pricked and prodded, everything he could to get on her nerves but she never argued or spoke bad to him. "She saved all the crap she so badly wanted to say to you for me later on. She _really_ didn't like you."

"Oh." He was quiet and there is a moment of slightly awkward silence before he speaks up again. "Look. Let me make it up to ya? Maybe not for the past nine years but for last night. One last, sober, hoorah? Then you won't even need to see me again. We can go our separate ways, if you want. What do you say?" He backs up and outstretches his arms in that animated way of his.

You think for a second before answering, "Yeah. Ok. But this ain't a date." I say as I hand my phone over to him after unlocking the screen. "Just give me your number, take mine, and call me later."

"Oh I've already got your number." he said with a smirk.

"You looked through my phone when I was passed out didn't you?"

"Nah. No. I would never! Your drunk ass gave it to me." he chuckled and I cover my face in shame, feeling my cheeks get a little hot. He hands back my phone after putting his number in. "Obviously you must have wanted more."

"Look." I hop off the trunk again. "Call me later. And by later I mean tomorrow. Or even later than that. Just know I've got some stuff to do." I back up to the drivers side door after picking the shirt up. "Just call me, cause you know I sure as hell won't call you." Opening the car door was a little difficult.

"You never would." He says with a nod and after nodding back with a small smile I step into the car. I wanted, no, needed to be the first one to leave. Trying to stay in control of this situation was priority at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was pretty dialogue heavy and I sure hope it went over well.  
> Also sorry this took so long. I was procrastinating really bad and I had a hard time figuring out just how exactly I wanted to move on from the last chapter. But I think I've kinda got it all figured out. But I'm just generally having a hard time writing. haha....


	5. Temporarily Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I've been pretty busy with work and a lot has happened too. But I recently was able to finally start playing GTA Online so I've been doing that a lot after work instead of writing, that explains part of the delay lol.

Driving back to Nancy’s was different. At least compared to the first half of the drive. I was calm this time as I sped down the freeway. I wasn't good, okay at best, but I was able to keep myself together for the rest drive there. The talk with Trevor gave me a few answers even if I couldn't believe all of them one hundred percent. I won’t lie and say that seeing him didn't make me feel anything, I’m over him and have been for years, but seeing messed me up in a lot of _weird_ ways. And my feelings for him used to be so intense, how could I not feel anything? Seeing him was totally unexpected. _Totally unwanted_. It stirred up a lot of those old feelings and forgotten memories. It was an intense reminder to say the least.

The next meeting with Trevor will be the last, it'll be a strange way to wrap up the past nine years and a definite end to the mess of a relationship that the two of us had. But it's for the best, for both of us, but mostly for me. I wanted to completely forget him again.

It took me less than an hour to finally reach Paleto Bay. The town looked better than I imagined to be honest, in my head I pictured a much more run down place than this was. But I was painting a picture based solely on what I had heard. Paleto Bay was actually very pretty, for what it had, but the place was nestled between the mountain forests and the ocean. I guess Nancy picked a pretty good place to settle down, much better than Los Santos, though the way to get to her home confused me. Lost was what I was but eventually I find my way. Turns out I had taken a few wrong turns after skipping some signs all together. The neighborhood she lives in is closer to the ocean than the forest. I drive around looking for her homes numbers, looking between the houses on each side of the street, counting up and down until I finally reach her home. It was on the side facing the beach in fact. It wasn't visually as nice as some of the other homes but it was still pretty impressive, after awhile Nancy would have the place looking better than the rest. And it was very large as well, bigger than some of the rest even. What in the world did her husband do again?

I pull into the driveway and text her that I’m here. It takes less than a minute for her to respond with a simple “OMG” and I turn my head from my phone to see her rushing out the door, running up to the car and screaming my name, I unroll the window and as soon as there’s enough room she sticks her head in. “(Y/N) you’re here! I’m so happy.” she tries to bring her arms into the car but there’s not quite enough room for her to do that much. I chuckle and gently guide her head back out the window. Once her head is back outside she straitens up and opens the door for me, which I thank her for and step out. “Let me help you with your bags.” she rushes over to the trunk.

“There’s actually nothing in the trunk.” I open the back drivers side door. “These are all I brought.” and I gesture at the two large bags sitting in the back. One managed to actually stay on the seat and the other fell onto the floor.

“That’s really it?” she said as she looked into the car while holding her hair out of her face before looking back to me and I nod. “Well ok.” she shrugs and grabs the bag from the seat then heads for her front door. I grab the other and follow her. “So, other than the whole Trevor,” she drags out his name with a bit of disdain,”business, how was you’re trip up here?” I shrug my shoulders and take the bag from her hands so she can open the door. “Well what do you think of the place?” she asks as we head in.

“Of this state or the new home?” I drop the bags onto the floor and head straight to the couch I see sitting against the farthest wall.

“Both since you asked.” she takes back the bags and walks into another room.

“Well this town doesn't seem so bad but it does smell weird.” I hear something about a factory from her in the other room. “But Los Santos and that desert place are awful. Best part was driving on the freeway. I sure do love to drive fast.” I kick my shoes off and put my feet on the coffee table in front of me. “Your home is pretty awesome though Nancy. Big. Beach view. Plenty of crap to do around here too I’m sure.” I watch as my sister walks back into the room, fixing things that must be out of their places as she does so, and walks over to the couch. She pushes my feet off the table both so she could get through and that they shouldn't be on it, and proceeds to sit next to me. “It’s nice.” I nod looking around the room and putting my feet back up onto the table, crossing them this time.

“Thanks.” she says smiling, “So. You gonna tell me about this whole thing or what? You hung up on me earlier.”

I turn and look at her. “So when is your husband coming home?”

“Don’t change the subject. You have to tell me. You know I've been worrying since you called me.” I whisper an apology and she takes my hand. “C’mon, spill it.”

"You get straight to the point don't you?" she gives me an amused look. “It’s no big deal. We met up and we talked.”

“More like argued.”

“Yeah. We argued. But we also talked. It ended well, enough, and I got the answers I needed. It was nice to get some answers after all this time.” I nod my head a bit to myself in thought.

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?”

“Bullshit (y/n). You don't just, you don’t just _meet_  back up with a man that you were so awfully in love with, who deserted you almost ten years ago, then act like nothing happened. What really went on?”

I sigh and look away. “I stopped in some rundown desert town called Sandy Shore and-”

“Wait Sandy Shores? That hillbilly infested place? Oh god. That was an awful place to stop. I should have warned you. I hear everyone there is hooked on all kinds of drugs, especially meth.” I widen my eyes in surprise and can’t help but turn my thoughts to what Trevor must have been on. Though that kind of explains a lot. “Don’t tell me you met him there did you? You met him, like, a town over or something?” I shake my head. “My god (y/n). He would end up in a shit place like that. Though it makes you wonder what exactly happened to him doesn't it? Probably got what he deserved.”

“That was a little harsh." she just nonchalantly shrugs her shoulders and I huff a little before I continue. "Look, I dunno how he got there, he never told me other than that he escaped to that hell hole. Anyways," I stretch my arms out onto the back of the couch, "I went there because I was tired. But I wasn't able to fall asleep in the run down motel so I went out to a bar I saw and one thing led to another. I woke up in this trashy little trailer with him.” I turn to look at her. “I yelled at him, like, a lot Nancy.” my lips turn up into a smile, “And it felt really good to. So good. But I left and drove until I felt bad enough, that’s when I called you.”

“Okay, but what about the whole hanging up on me part?”

‘He- he came and found me. But only to return the shirt I left at his place. I figured you didn't need to hear the argument. But I got some answers and we left it at that.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it Nancy.” I said indefinitely.

“I can’t believe he lives here though, I thought I got away from the crazy guy.”

“He wasn't that bad.”

“Yes he was, and to be honest I don’t know what you expected.” she says as she pulls her hair up into a small ponytail.

“What do you mean?”

“You knew he was alive.”

“No, I didn't, I thought he was dead.”

“Oh come on, no one ever found him dead. He ran away. The police were after him. You just didn't _want_ to admit that the selfish guy left y-” she stops at the sound of the front door opening and she immediately stands and rushes over to the sound, jumping over my legs as she does so. Her husband was home and this conversation was over.

“Josh! How are ya?” I call out as I slowly stand up from the couch. As I turn to go meet the two they walk into the room and Nancy quickly finishes whispering something to him. Probably saying something about everything that has happened. “I haven’t seen you since the wedding.” I say as I outstretch my arms and try to ignore what Nancy probably told him.

"Good to see you too (y/n). It has been awhile hasn't it. How have you been?" he always seemed to be pitying me. It was infuriating to be honest.

"Well I’m sure Nancy just filled you in on what’s happened since I got here."

"Other than that?" he started to undo his tie.

"I've been great. Been doing good, I recently broke up with my last boyfriend a few months ago."

"About time. He wasn't all that." Nancy piped in.

"I know." I smiled at her. "Never the best at choosing men was I?" We all laughed a bit at the slightly depressing joke. “And just in time to see the worst choice again.” That one got a lot less laughter and chuckles from the two. “I thought it was funny.” I mumble to myself. I might not be the best at making jokes but at least I can make myself laugh right? "So. What’s for dinner?" I say as I clap my hands together, trying to change the subject.

”Oh you’re going to love it! It’s your favorite. Or it will be. But I thought we could make it together?” Nancy seemed so excited so I nodded in agreement, how could I say no to her. It might also be a good way to catch up on subjects other than Trevor.

After settling in the two of us get to work on dinner, laughing and joking as we prepare the food. Josh was, of course, no help as he sat in the other room watching what sounded like sports. But it didn't bother us. It was like when we were kids and the two of us would make food while our brother just sat around. Nothing new. And of course the two men similarly would always enjoy and act like they actually helped make it. Jokingly and full of themselves. Nancy sets the table and I plate the food. The dinner was fine, it probably would have been better if I didn't help make it, as my cooking skills were nothing near Nancy’s, but otherwise it was full of stories, news and overall joy. I heard a lot about what goes on in this state. It’s a wonder how anyone lives here. Also it turns out that this house wasn't even the one Nancy and Josh were planning on buying, they had been saving for a much larger home closer to a place called Tongva Hills, but instead this was only one they could afford at the time of the disaster. Apparently the apartment building they lived in was destroyed by some crazy group of criminals and the law enforcement. I couldn't believe it. They must really like it here to stay after that.

Once dinner was over and it was time for bed Nancy showed me to the room I would be staying in, a nicely sized room that she had probably spent all day tidying up just for me. There was a full-sized bed pushed up against one wall with a squat nightstand next to it and a slender floor lamp sitting by that. There was a dresser against the wall across from the bed with a hamper for clothes next to it. On another wall hangs shelves holding pictures of Nancy and Josh, other had me in them and others had the two of us with our brother Steve. It was endearing to see for me but if anyone else were to stay in the room they may be a little uncomfortable.

I walk over to my bags that Nancy had placed at the end of the bed and grab out a pair of pajamas. I quickly change and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I’m brushing my teeth Nancy comes up behind me, effectively scaring the hell out of me and making me scream. “Sorry.” she says. “I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. About earlier. I probably got a little mean.” I shake my head with my toothbrush loosely in my mouth. She smiles. “I’m glad you’re here though (y/n) and I hope tomorrow is better. Which reminds me I never got to tell you my news!” she gives out a little giggle. “I can’t wait to tell you. I’m really happy.”

I slowly take the toothbrush out of my mouth and wipe my face. “I can’t wait to hear said news.” I say a little sarcastically as I try not to let the gross spit out of my mouth. She smiles and gives me a hug before leaving the small bathroom. “Tell Josh I said good night.” I say after spitting and wiping my face again. I slowly and sleepily walk back to the bedroom, slightly dragging my feet as I do, and lay down onto the bed. The bed was so comfortable. Maybe the nicest I've been on in awhile. I lay there in bliss and cover myself up with the blankets after a few minutes of feeling to tired to do so.

Once I was finally on the verge of falling asleep my phone begins to ring on the nightstand. The vibration sound was so loud thanks to the wood that my body jumps a bit and I was afraid it would wake up Josh, Nancy on the other hand would need an earthquake so I wasn't quite as worried. I try to grab the phone without looking and of course I knock it onto the floor. I groan and lazily turn on the bed and try to pick it back up. Once I get it back I rub my tired eyes and squint at the bright screen. Luckily it wasn't a call, rather it was a text from Trevor wanting to know if it would be okay to call. I laugh to myself and look at the time, it was only 10:30 but I was way to tired to do anything at this point so I text back with a simple ‘Call me in the morning.’ After a few minutes I get a reply. ‘Nite bby Ill c u l8tr.’

He texts like a child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be another flashback kinda chapter and after that I'm hoping to get the ball rolling a bit more. Also I'm trying to base Nancy's home on the one that you can find for foreclosure overlooking the ocean.


	6. Dreams

North Yankton was as dead as ever. Nothing interesting was happening and nothing interesting had happened in a long while. But that was about to change. Tomorrow was Trevor’s big score with Michael and Brad. We will be rich and no one will have suspected a damn thing. They planned the whole thing out and it sounded full proof. But tonight we party. If you called a group of criminals getting shitfaced drunk a party and it’s what we always do before a big score. Not that I had any part them, I usually helped out with the more spontaneous crimes, always as the getaway driver because half the time Trevor ended up robbing a convenience store when we stopped by them, but whether I helped in the big scores or not, I always went along to the night before drink fest. It was always a good time. Maybe it was because I was with Trevor and used to such crap or maybe because I didn't actually mind the fact that they were about to do something so bad, but I genuinely enjoyed being apart of these guys group. Even if I didn't play that big of a part.

Or maybe because I actually was pretty much a criminal, not that I would ever admit that to anyone.

“C’mon baby, let’s go already!” Trevor called from the other side of my apartments front door. “I’m tired of waiting out here.”

“You’ve been saying that since you got here, over an hour ago, the more you complain and nag the slower I go. That complaining is also why I kicked you out.” I say as I finish up getting ready and an incredibly loud groan can be heard coming from him. “Just let me get my shoes on and I’ll be out.” I sit down next to the front door and slip on my socks and shoes as slowly as I could humanly manage.

“Are you done yet?” it sounds like he has his face pressed right up on the door.

“I guess,” I say as I stand back up and open the door to see him with a face the color of a strawberry slushie, “You know you could have been patient enough for me to get ready and you could've sat inside this whole time, you know, where it’s nice and warm, instead of being stubborn and having to stand outside in this freezing ass weather.”

“I thought you would hurry that pretty ass up. But now I’m here with two frozen balls and a new found hatred for you.” he said as he rubbed his crotch.

I roll my eyes. “Like I said, I went slower the more you nagged me, to piss you off.” He grunted and I started towards his car. “You should have known better by now though. I don’t care. Not about you at least.”

“Bullshit.” He said as he followed close behind me.

“It might be.” I stop just in front of the car door so I could turn around and kiss him. “But you’ll never know if it’s true or not.” I pat his cheeks and open the door, “now lets get wasted.” I say as I hop into the passengers seat. He grins and rushes over to the drivers side and quickly jumps into the car. The damn thing was warm as hell, he started the car and still stood outside my front door the whole time just to piss me off. Typical.

\-----

The party, if one could call four criminals getting shitfaced a party, was at the usual hideout about two hours away from my apartment. That time frame being on a good day without any traffic or bad weather. The place is secluded and, of course, abandoned. It's an abandoned home on the edge of the woods that Trevor and his ‘friends’ found while on the run one time, it’s not in that bad of a condition and it's far enough from the forests edge that it wasn't easy to find but not too far from the open, and it's easy to get to if you were willing to find the dirt road to it which is covered by branches, so they all decided to make it the ‘usual place.’

And because the home is abandoned we all had to bring space heaters, especially with it being the dead of winter now, because we would all freeze without them. I brought the heater (which I may have carelessly thrown into the trunk the last time we left here) and Trevor spent all the cash he had on him to buy the booze, which he pilled up all over the back seats.

Once we finally arrive at the hideout Trevor parked the car, badly, by the side of the home that was beginning to slip into lopsidedness. I get out of the car before he does and drag the heater out of the trunk. Trevor quickly gets out and starts bringing all his beer into the front room. We usually just use the front room of the abandoned home but sometimes, if something happened between all of us, then we would go and find another room to use.

“You did all that bitching and we’re still the first people here Trevor.” I say as I place the heater towards the center of the room.

“That was the plan.” he said as he stacked the last of the beer in one of the rooms corners. He turns to me and smirks. “Let do it.”

“ _Really?_ We could’ve just ‘done it’ back at my place you know.”

He walks over and places his hands on my hips, “More interesting here.” He kisses me and begins to slowly kiss down my neck.

“Seriously. Let’s not. They’ll be here any minute Trevor.” I sigh but lean into him and he smiles.

“C’mon (y/n),” he kisses me again, “it’ll be quick.” I laugh at that.

“It’s _always_ quick with you.” I say with what could only be called a shit eating grin.

“Hey now. That only ha-”

“Am I interrupting something here?” Micheal says as he enters the room. “Cause it looks like I might be, do I need to leave?” he says sarcastically as he points his thumb towards the doorway behind him.

“Nah.” I say as I gently push Trevor off with a grunt in reply, “nothing was happening.” I pat his shoulder and walk over towards Micheal. “So how’s the kids?”

“Ah, they’re good. They’re just great. Hey, how’d you feel about watching the little runts sometime?”

“Sounds good.” I say as I chuckle. “Lemme help you bring your haul in.” The two of us head out the front door and leave Trevor behind. ‘What the fuck.’ he yells after us and Michael and I just smile to each other. "Your kids aren't that bad by the way."

"That's your opinion." he says as we walk out to his car and begin to bring in his stuff, Micheal got the heater while I started on getting the beer inside. Though I noticed he brought candles, I definitely forgot to get those, good thing he brought enough to give us all enough light to see clearly. The sun was starting to set so these would come in handy soon.

When we went back out to get the rest of his stuff, a car pulled up behind and parked, just as bad, behind Trevor’s and out steps Brad. “Eyyyyyyyyy.” he shouts as he walks up to us.

“Nice to see you Brad.” I say with obvious sarcasm, I was never very fond of the guy. He’s kind of an ass. “Did you bring anything?”

“Nah.” he replies shortly before taking the last drag of his cigarette and tossing it onto the gravel somewhere.

“You never fuckin do.” Micheal says seriously but Brad still laughs at the comment and starts to walk for the abandoned building. “What an asshole.” I smile and grab a case of beer and the bags of candles then head inside after Michael. We stack the beer with the bunch that Trevor and I brought and I place the candles beside the pile of alcohol.

“Brad! Buddy!” Trevor exclaims once he realizes he was inside. “You ready to get shit faced, my friend?” I grab a beer and take a seat at one of the lawn chairs we've left behind from past get-togethers. “This is about to be one hell of a night.”

“You know it!” Brad raises his hand for a high five and Trevor goes for it, smacking his hand so hard that it makes both of them shake their hands in response. They both laugh and I quietly join them from my seat. The two are idiots. “Tomorrow is gonna be so bad-ass. We’re going to be _rich!_ ” Trevor just smirks and nods in response. “I’m gonna take my money and run off to the beach. What’re you gonna do?”

“Well I was thinking I’d go an-”

“So are we gonna drink or just stand around here all night and talk like a couple of sissies?” Micheal says as he grabs a beer from the stack and gestures it towards Trevor and Brad.

\-----

I wake up alone, as per usual after these little ‘parties,’ under a few blankets in a different room than the front. It’s past noon, I’ve got a killer headache and laugh to myself as I remember why I’m in a different room. Trevor and I got a little to heated and had to leave the others so we could be alone and not bother them. I embarrass myself thinking about what we did, which is ridiculous since I’m all by myself, so I get up and get dressed. I grab the things I brought with me and the left over beer (Trevor would kill me if I didn't bring it back with me.) and leave the house. I place the items in Trevor's car, which, again, as usual he left for me to get home, then get into the drivers seat and take off down the dirt road.

I drop off the beer at Trevor's and head back to my apartment, once home I toss off my coat, throw my keys onto the coffee table and flop down face first onto the couch. I turn the television on but turn down the volume because I still have a major headache and watch some cartoons as I wait for him come visit or call me. A few hours pass and I start to grow tired again, figuring that it would still be awhile before Trevor got back I decide that it'll be okay for me to go ahead and take a nap.

I wake up hours later. It’s now almost midnight now and I check my phone, no word from Trevor still and I begin to worry that something had happened. Usually I would at least have some kind of a text from him by now. The heist happened hours ago. I quickly sit up and change the channel to the news. After a few minutes the newscasters mention the heist briefly and how it went horribly wrong; two dead, one in critical condition and one missing, there was a shootout and many officers went down. No one got away with anything. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I try calling Trevor and it ultimately goes to voice mail after so many rings, so I try again and no dice, I try and try again for what feels like forever before I start to cry.

**He was gone.**

\-----

The sounds of my cellphones ringtone pierces my ears and rouses me from my sleep. I cannot stand that sound any more. I reach my arm out in search for the little rectangle of technology and knock it back onto the floor like I did the night before. I groan and lean over the bed to pick it up, and almost fall out of it doing so, I find the phone slightly under the bed and pick it up. “Hello.” I say in the most tired and angry voice that I possibly could. I get myself back up onto the bed and sit up. I look over to the clock and it was six a.m. Not even Nancy wakes up this early.

“Hey there (y/n)! How are you this fine morning!”

“What the hell Trevor, it’s six in the morning.” I sigh.

“You told me to call you now.”

“I said the morning, but I didn't mean this early in the morning. What are you even doing awake now? Did you just never go to sleep or something?”

“Hey hey hey hey hey, that’s not important.” Oh god, he was high, no doubt about it. “Are you ready for our date tonight?”

“I will be. Later. After I actually get some sleep. And it’s not a date.” I hang up and lay back down. I don’t think I can do this after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the best but it gets the point across I think. Also the strawberry slushie thing was me not thinking of anything good to relate to except for the starburst freeze from work.
> 
> Feedback is greatly appreciated.


	7. News

The sun is shinning brightly into the room and onto my face when I wake up. I look at my phone, it's 12:24 in the afternoon, I drag myself out of bed around and I cannot believe how much I’ve slept. I was dead tired and sleeping that much didn't help me feel any better, I think I might actually be more tired now than when I went to bed. Mentally I'm feeling a lot better, for the day, but I’m still physically exhausted and staying in bed sounds nice. And my dreams were a wreck too, I’m sure all I did during the night was toss and turn. Oh god. I hope I didn’t talk at all in my sleep. And I know Nancy will never tell me if I did, she’ll just laugh at me by herself and say it was some joke she remembered. I’m used to that by now but it still bothers me. She could often hear me in my sleep seeing as our rooms were right next to each others when I still lived at home with her and, my god, I said some embarrassing things while I was passed out. Especially when I would get drunk during those cold nights in North Yankton. I need to remind myself not to drink tonight then, I don’t need to risk sleep talking and I sure don't want anymore of the silent ridicule from anyone.

After fumbling around the bedroom and bathroom trying to fully wake myself up I walk down the stairs to, of course, Nancy making lunch in the kitchen while her husband sat on the couch in the living room. Is he watching a football game? Really? That’s very original. I'm pretty sure every time I see him watching TV it's a football game. She always judged me about Trevor but I honestly think Josh is much worse, at least Trevor didn't generally treat me like dirt, I mean he did, but in a different way. It’s not like Josh is abusive, just not, kind? I guess? There’s a lot there that I can't put my finger on other than his obvious laziness and apparent indifference. It’s a little hard to cover my anger and disapproval for him so early into the day. The food however smelled awesome in comparison to how bad the smell of contempt is.

I frown at Josh as I walk behind the couch and make my way over to the kitchen. “So what’s for breakfast lil sis?” I lean up against the counter. “It smells a little like... what is that? Tuna? For sandwiches right?”

"What else would it be for?" she said with one brow lifted.

"I dunno, I could think of a few things."

She scoffs. “I can’t believe you even slept this late (y/n), I mean you’ve always slept a lot but I think this is a new record.” She starts to plate the food for everyone.

“Yeah yeah, I know, I’m like a bear now. All I do now that I'm getting old is eat, get fat and sleep a hell of a lot.” I grab a cup out of the cabinet and get some water. “That was a joke you know, you can laugh.”

“It’s not that, it’s just I didn’t think it was very funny.” she gives me a smug smile. "Self deprecation is the lowest form of comedy."

“Oh har har, you smartass. Now gimme some food.” I make grabby hands for the plate, she laughs and hands it to me. "You know," I make my way to the table, "I think a lot of comedians would disagree with you on that one." She joins me after handing Josh his plate in the other room. “So," my mouth is full of food, I should probably swallow it first but I was never the classiest person, “when are you going to tell me this big news story of yours?”

“Well, maybe later.” She’s picking at her food. “I’m a little nervous.”

I almost spit out my food trying to hold back laughter. “Nervous!? You couldn’t wait to tell me, you were so excited that you made me come down here. To tell me in person. I flew halfway across the country for this crap.”

“That’s why. Now that you’re here I’m kind of afraid to say it just yet.” I’m still trying so hard not to laugh. “Can I tell you over dinner?”

“Are you asking me out Nancy?”

“Ew, no, that’s not what I meant. I meant that we c-”

“I got what you meant, you wanna tell me this big news in a nice place with nice food and nice atmosphere. You don’t want me to make a scene.”

“Again that’s not what I meant.”

“I know. You can’t seem to take a joke today Nancy.” I take an extra large drink of water, “You that nervous? I won't freak out on you, I promise.”

“I am a little, I mean it’s pretty big. Well I mean it’s not big per say but,” she laughs a little at her own joke and I just give her a quizzical glance, “it is important news though.” She wears that stupid grin she gets when she knows something I don’t.

“Alright, alright. You just tell me when and where you wanna tell me. I’m here all week, remember? You can tell me whenever and when you’re not busy telling me we can hang out or whatever.” I finish up what’s left on my plate and stand. “But today I think I’m gonna go walk around. Get to know this place so I can have some idea what you’re talking about on the phone when we actually do talk.” I hear her laugh quite a bit to herself as I pass to put my plate in the sink, she probably imagined all the times I had no idea what she was talking about and the faces I probably made when I didn’t. "No rush though."

I turn to head back up the stairs to the bedroom that I'm staying in so I can change. “Have fun walking around town, I’ll try to figure something out while you’re gone ok? Oh, and don’t stay out to late. It gets a little seedy at night. Nothing bad unless you get into trouble, but it's not that I think you’ll be out walking around for that long.” I reply with a simple ‘ok’ and head up the stairs.

I tear open my bags and basically throw all of my clothes around the room looking for exactly what I want to wear. Just something comfortable, I am walking around a redneck kind of town, comfy pants and a t-shirt is fine. Maybe a light jacket? Oh who am I kidding, this place is hell on earth in comparison to the cold weather of North Yankton, bringing a jacket seems kind of a redundant and stupid idea now. I grab the small backpack I brought to carry my things in and toss my important items in, like my phone and wallet, then throw it onto my back and walk back down the stairs.

Should I have cleaned up the mess I made? Nah, it’s easier to find stuff that way and if anything Nancy will clean it up later.

“Don’t wait up you two.” I shout as I walk out the front door, I don’t even wait for an answer before I shut it and go on my way.

\---

I’ve been walking around for hours now, I think it’s close to six now? I’m not really sure, I haven’t checked my phone in awhile, I’ve been to busy trying to find my way back to a point that proves to me that maybe I’m not as lost as I think. If anything I can probably find my way to the beach so I could look for Nancy’s place from that angle and not feel as bad. Any solution is a good solution. Right? I drop my head in shame, I should call for help but I don’t think I can admit I got lost. That’s kind of embarrassing. I go to find the nearest bench to sit down at and pull out my phone from the bag after I've set it down. I’ve got a few missed calls and a lot of texts from Nancy, Josh and Trevor. Oh great. I kind of forgot about the whole ‘hanging out with Trevor’ thing for a bit. I better deal with the Nancy stuff first. All of her messages are along the lines of ‘call me’ basically, she must have figured something out, I click on the call button and wait for her to pick up, which she does almost immediately. “Hey there, I’m assuming you figured out your plan?”

“I did! Will you come back? We can go whenever you get ready, I’ll drive too, you don’t have to be super fancy but you do have to look nice.”

“Is what I’m wearing now not nice?” Did she even see what I wore out?

“No, it’s not. You look lazy to be frank.”

“Ouch. I see how it is.” I relax into the bench. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’m on the other side of town. I think.”

“You think?” The alarm in her voice is apparent. “ Do you mean you’re lost? If you are then I can com-”

“Oh no." I say with little shock, "I think the signal is going out.” I say it monotonously and I'm not even trying to make the break-up sounds. “I’ll have to call you back. I can’t believe how bad the signal is arou-.” And I hang up. She should be fine.

Next I look at the texts I received from Josh and it all looks like him just trying to get me to call Nancy. “Where the hell are you?” and “Nancy really wants to talk to you.” and my favorite “You’re making it really hard to sit around here.” That prick. Can’t even be around his wife while she’s worrying about her sibling? She’s not that bad when she’s worrying over petty things, all you need to do is reassure her. I can’t believe they’re still together, and it seems that only six years of marriage is proving to much for the guy. They lasted longer than I thought though.

I sigh. Finally deciding to make that call to Trevor, he’s the one that called me so many times and all without any voicemail, pretty typical of him. The phone rings and rings and continues to ring without him ever picking up so I hang up and try again, to no avail until about the fourth try. “Hey babe!” he basically shouts into the phone, he's so loud, “You ready for that date of ours?”

“It’s not a date Trevor.” I cross my arms, ready for whatever bullshit might come.

“No no, I definitely think it is.”

“I never agreed to a date. I agreed to one night of you trying desperately to make it up to me. You know, for that night I hardly remember.”

“Ok, whatever you say, but I’m thinking I’m right here.” I shake my head. “So when you wanna go? I’m good for right now.”

“I can’t now, I’m about to go out and do something with Nancy, but I can go out afterwards. She can’t know, so I'll have to sneak out because she will kill me if she know I’m around you again after everything. And I mean everything. She might actually kill me.”

“I didn’t realize we went back in time to be teenagers again.” I can hear the smug look on his face.

“Shut up you asshole.” I can hear him laughing on the other line in the distance, like he’s trying to hold the phone away. “You know I’m still unbelievably angry with you and upset and pissed off and frust-”

“Yeah yeah, I get it, you’re really fucking mad at me. But you agreed to going out for one last hoorah before you never see me again.”

“Whatever.” I hang up before it gets any worse. I set my phone onto the bench and lay my head back, I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to it, I was always a sucker for a fun time. I sit with my head back for a few moments before I hear my phone buzzing on the wood, picking it up I see that it’s him.

‘Txt me l8tr were u want me 2 get u n ill cum ;)’

Oh my god.

\---

I get back to Nancys around seven, finding my way back was easier than I thought it was going to be, after I asked someone for directions to the general area I was needing to go. She immediately opens the door for me before I even knock and pulls me inside and up the stairs so that I can dress ‘presentably’ for the dinner. I quickly change into some better clothing and brush my hair before I exit the guest bedroom, I remember that I need to brush my teeth before I walk back down the stairs so I do that too. I’m sure my breath wasn’t that great seeing as I forgot to brush this morning. Once I step foot downstairs Nancy is quickly pushing me out the front door and into her car while saying her goodbyes to her husband. When she joins me in the car I buckle my seat belt after her and ask where we might be going, “It’s a surprise!” was her only answer. No matter how many times I asked. Everything has to be a mystery with her these days.

We’re in the car for a little over a half an hour before she pulls into the parking lot of a restaurant, the place is surrounded by the woods and on the outside does not seem all that nice, so why would I need to look better than decent? The place better look nicer than me when I walk in there. When I step out of the car I take a look around at the almost full parking lot, maybe this is a nice restaurant, or a popular family diner. I can see either one being real. But the surrounding area is nice, the woods are so quiet and calm, and now that it's getting dark out the lightening bugs are starting to pop up, it's extremely picturesque. And the weather is nice too, it's cooled down a little bit but it's still fairly warm. I wouldn't mind being outside tonight. When we got inside I was a little shocked as to how much nicer it was than I honestly expected, it was very beautiful inside, truly a hidden gem around here. It probably is a good thing Nancy made me dress nice, looking around everyone seems to be dressed pretty fancy or uptight, I'm not really feeling it though. We get seated at a booth by a window on one of the side walls and order our drinks, we both get water not wanting to waste money on any kind of beverages. "So this is where the hillbillies come to feel important for a night, huh?" I say jokingly trying to ease into a conversation.

"That one was really harsh (y/n)." She frowns. "Not everyone around here is as bad as you want to think. A lot of them are really nice, I mean sure it might not be the greatest area nor Los Santos but it's not bad."

"Ok, I get it. That was pretty mean of me. Just trying to make a joke."

"Well it wasn't very funny." I apologize and pick up one of the menus we were given. "I'm sorry, but I live here too (y/n), remember? I just don't like some of the jokes you've been saying." I apologize again and she starts looking at her own menu. "Not everywhere is going to be as nice as your precious hometown, sometimes it's nice to move on, especially after what you'd went through. I mean I left just to go. It's not that great." she pauses for a moment, "So what do you think you're going to get?"

"I'm not sure." She is being really weird. "What do you think I should get?" She is being really protective, what's wrong? I get I made an offensive joke but, "So what is this big news of yours?" I look out the window to watch the fireflies, maybe I'll just get whatever Nancy gets.

"Uhm, yeah," her voice is shaking ever so slightly, "Why don't we wait until we get the food."

"Seriously? Just tell me already. You can't keep putting it off." I look back from the window to her. "I don't understand why you were so excited to tell me and now you won't even hint about it, after dragging me out here, so what is it?" She almost answers when the waiter comes up and asks if we're ready, Nancy orders first and I really do decide to go for the same thing, what she ordered didn't sound that bad. Once the waiter takes his leave I immediately rest my chin on my hands and stare at Nancy, "So. What. Is. It?" I smile at her.

"Ah, well," she's balling up her napkin now, "You see, I'm, uhm, I'm pregnant." I can't help but raise my eyebrows. "And I was so excited and was trying to get you here but then once you agreed I got to thinking that maybe it wasn't such a smart idea. Because I know how you feel about that kind of stuff. It's insensitive I know. I'm sorry. But I'm really excited and I want you to be involved as much as possible, for the good parts of it, kind of a good way to make up for not having you in the wedding party?" She nervously laughs at that and I look outside the window again. "So?"

"I'm happy for you." That came out more quiet and bland than I intended. "I really am."

"You don't sound like it?"

I shake my head, "No. I am." She really does know how I feel about the subject, and while I'm happy for her I can't help but feel bad for myself. I always wanted a kid but that never happened, with everything going on it was a little impossible, and having a kid of any age at _this_ age would just be a bad idea. And maybe a little cruel. I look back at her, "Good thing you got pregnant now."

"Why's that?"

"You were getting a little close to that expiration date of yours." I laugh at my own shitty joke as she gasps and hurls verbal profanities at me. I look back out the window with an empty smile while Nancy calms down and we wait for our food, but I'm not feeling up to eating anymore, it feels like there is a pit in my stomach. I have a bad feeling, but mostly I just feel empty and I felt like that throughout the whole dinner. And the ride home. I tried acting as normal as possible but that empty feeling doesn't seem to go away.

By the time we got home it was almost ten and we both decided we should go to bed, so we could get up early in the morning and spend a nice day together, something I'm not so much looking forward to anymore. I change into something more comfortable to get ready for bed alongside her and once we were done I waited until I was certain she fell asleep to head back downstairs and try to sneak out. I figure one of the front doors would be to loud, or obviously a bad idea seeing as I have no key, so I go for one of the windows and open it as quietly as possible and as wide as possible so I can easily get out and close the window behind me. I try running away as quietly as possible but I don't get very far before I'm out of breath. I should really try taking better care of myself. As I stand trying to catch my breath I text Trevor to meet me at the hospital here in town and head over there myself. He leaves me standing and waiting for an hour and a half, which is honestly less time than I figured it would take him, I thought he would make me wait long enough that I would just end up leaving, but I was pretty close to leaving now. He pulls up in that dirty red truck of his, blasting his music and shouting at me to get in, which I roll my eyes and comply to. "So what's shaking Sweetcheeks?" still shouting only this time in my ear. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a quiet mode at this point in life.

"I just had to sneak out of my own sisters house, to meet you of all people, so I'm feeling pretty stupid." I turn down his music and he shouts at me in protest. "I won't go anywhere with you blasting that music."

"You really have gotten old, damn. My music is great. It's passionate. It's _real_ music."

"It's loud." I sit back and gesture for him to get going. "So where are you taking me?"

He starts driving fast down the road. "Well you don't want to get wasted with me, so I figured we could go out and do some stuff."

"First of all, what do you mean by 'stuff?' and Second of all I wouldn't mind getting shitfaced tonight. In fact, I kind of need it."

"Oh ho, changed your mind, eh? Well then that changes everything. We can go get drinks before doing the stuff I had planned." I question him again about the stuff. "Trust me it'll be fun." He sped down the road faster now.

This night should be interesting at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the kinda set age. And I'm totally sure the news was expected, at least a let down if you didn't see that one coming. And this was pretty uneventful but I just got back so..... Also, I'm still trying to keep the gender identity of the 'reader' pretty open but that's getting increasingly hard.
> 
> SO! I know it's been a long while but I'm not giving up just yet! There are some points that I've had in mind since before starting this that I would like to get to and I'd love to finish this. I feel as though my style in writing has changed, not sure if it's for the better or not. I'm going to work on this as much as I can between school and my new job, both which keep me pretty busy. :)
> 
> Also it's fun if you imagine the place they go to is a real location and I'm not entirely making things up here.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am The Worst™ at updating things

“I feel like I’ve been sitting in this truck for hours.” I shout over the rushing wind and blasting radio, that he eventually turned back up much to my distaste, I look at the clock on the dashboard and as it turns out I have in fact been sitting here in this disgusting truck for almost two hours. “Where are we going? We could’ve just gotten drinks somewhere in town. My ass is starting to hurt.”

“No no,” he waves his hand dismissively, “I’ve got somewhere and something much better in mind than one of those dumps back there in the desert.”

“Since when have you been a man of class, Trevor?” I say sarcastically with a playful look before I go back to staring, watching the land go by out the window. At this point there’s nothing but mountain forests and I can’t tell where he’s taking me, but I can see the sky getting a little less dark on the horizon so we must be going towards the big city. “Are we going to be near this place anytime soon.”

“Yeah, we’ll be there soon.” After he said that I could see the city below us, once at the bottom of this mountain and we’ll be back in the city, Los Santos, my favorite.

As we make our way down the winding roads of expensive neighborhoods, assumingely owned by the relatively rich or famous, what a difficult life they must live on these slopes hills. me? Find me a flat road and I’ll live there. The houses end fairly abruptly and change into business’, some run down and some higher in class, and Trevor pulls into the parking lot behind the first one as we entered the sea of city life. Is this the place?

“This is it,” he gets out of the truck, “Tequi-La-La, the finest bar in all of Lost Santos.” I step out of the passenger side and join him at his side where he puts an arm around my shoulder. “Ya’know, I own this place.”

“Yeah fuckin right.” I try a little to move out from his arm but to no avail. He is stronger than I remember.

“No no, it’s true. I really do. I’m fucking loaded now.” He outstretches his other arm in emphasis and to go along with his mentioning of the fact that I need to take in the ‘grandeur’ of the place. “It’s all mine.”

“I don’t care whatever you could possibly say to try and make me believe you on this, but I wont.” I start to laugh, “there’s just no way. You? Loaded?” He growls and slowly leads us inside, for being in Los Santos I imagined it would be nicer inside than on the out, but no, it actually seems like a place Trevor would go to. And possibly own. It’s nicer than the place back in Sandy Shores but not by much if I’m being honest. It’s certainly bigger, it can even have a live band playing, there's a bit of an upper floor and some strange colored lights. Still a bit dirty.

He leads us over towards the bar and the two of us sit down in unison, he orders us a couple of drinks and we both chug them, and orders a few more. “So what is your plan for tonight?” I slow down the drinking as I don’t yet plan on getting drunk.

“You’ll find out. You’re not much for surprises anymore you know that?” He turns in my direction. “I remember you being a lot more fun.”

“I’ve had enough surprises to fill a couple of years since I got here, I’m not interested in many more.” I take a sip out of the beer. “And I’m still fun though."

“I guess in some aspects.” He winks at me and takes a gulp of his drink. “But I guess we’ll find out later if you really are still fun.”

“Fuck off Philips.” I try to push him off his stool but he doesn’t budge much. The fucker held onto the counter top.

“Ey-he-ey, if it isn’t Trevor fucking Philips.” a sharply dressed man walks up and stops between us just a few steps away, he looks kind of familiar, he looks smugly at the two of us. “So what did you want now, huh?” I stare at him, eyes a slight squint, as I try to figure out where I could have seen him before. “It can’t be that you simply wanted to hang out.”

“Actually that’s exactly what I wanted to do, Sugartits. Here,” Trevor takes the beer from my hand and offers it to the man, “drink up. It’ll be more fun if you do.”

“I’m not drinking that piss.” A laugh escapes me at his comment, and I can’t blame him, it really does taste almost exactly like piss. The man looks back at me and with a nod adds, “who’s this?”

“My date.” Trevor says and takes a swig. I tell him how it’s not a date. “Of course you are.” I shake my head.

“I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t date this guy either.” He says with a chuckle and I smile. “So, let’s get down to business.”

“Business will be more fun if you both drink.” Trevor hands me a new bottle. “I’m telling.” I roll my eyes and take a swig of the beer. “Like that, just drink, live a little, why can’t you do the same Mikey?” That sounds really familiar, why does that seem so familiar?

I take another long look at the man dressed in a suit, it doesn’t make sense, a man who dress’ so nicely can’t possibly know Trevor. “Mikey.” I whisper to myself, I repeat the name a few more times both out loud and in my head until it finally clicks. Michael. It’s fucking Micheal. I start to laugh.

“What’s wrong with them?” he asks Trevor.

“You’re fucking Michael. Micheal Townley. You’re supposed to be six feet under.” I start to stand up and he narrows his eyes at me.

“Who is this exactly?”

“It’s (Y/N) you fat fuck.” Michaels eyes widen again in realization. “ I can’t believe neither of you recognized each other.” Trevor said as he took another drink and I start to step away further as both watch me.

“Wow. I really never would have guessed. Not… that… you don’t look great.” he looks back at Trevor. “So. Why exactly are you here (y/n)? Especially with Trevor.”

“You know what? Fuck off.” I turn around and head for the door. I can hear Trevor coming after me and I begin to walk faster. “Don’t come after me.” I open the front door and slam it after me as I walk out.

“Don’t you walk away.” he’s shouting now. “You can’t walk away again.”

“Well guess what? I’m walking the fuck away Trevor.” I continue to walk away faster, just bordering on a sprint, and head towards the houses up the hill. “This is the last time you’re gonna see me. I’m done. I'm fucking done!”

He runs up behind and grabs my arm, for being on who knows what kind of drugs he sure is in shape. He forces me to turn around with a hard pull and looks me in the eye. “You are not leaving.”

“Fuck you."

“What the hell is wrong now!?” he’s shouting loud enough that I’m sure people in their homes or on the street can hear. “All you do is freak the fuck out.”

“Fuck you.” I spit in his face and immediately regret the decision. He lets go of one of my arms and raises his hand to punch me but luckily Michael walks up in time to stop him.

“What are you strung out on now Trevor? You would never do this before.” Trevor still attempts to go for my face despite Micheal’s grip but he eventually just gives up and lets go of the will, allowing Micheal to then let go of Trevor and push him aside. “Now (y/n), why don’t you just say what’s wrong instead of running away like you’ve always done.”

“I have not always run away from my issues.” I say as I look away, maybe I actually have? I’m not sure anymore. “I’m pissed off and confused and I don’t know what to do, okay?”

“Why?” Micheal insists as he lights up a cigarette.

“Why? Are you serious?" I can feel the mocking tone in my voice and my throat constrict. "You’re supposed to be dead. You were literally called deceased and it was all over the news. There was reports and everything! You. Should. Be. Dead!” I went from starring at the ground to hitting him in the chest. “I mean what else in my life is a big fat fucking lie? I fucking hate feeling like I don’t know anything. Seriously, what the hell else don’t I know? First Trevor and now you!? My whole life has been a lie. All of it. I'm fucking tired.”

“Well what do you know?” He takes a drag from the cigarette and blows the smoke away from me and at Trevor, who mentions how those things are going to kill him. He was always the calm one.

“I’m not sure anymore.”

“You know everything now.” Trevor piped in, he went back to scratching his arms and looking around kind of paranoid after staring at me for a few seconds.

"Why should I believe you!? You lied to me before, you lied to me the past decade, all you do is lie!"

“Well I’m sure there is a lot of things you know that we don’t (y/n).” He stepped over to my side and put one hand on my shoulder. “So calm down and stop freaking out, alright?”

"No!" I shake out from his touch and. "I have every right to feel this way! I don't know why I came here, i really fucking don't, lingering feelings? Regret for the past? Or maybe it's just my shitty habits getting me like they always have."

"(Y/N), please calm down." He puts out his cigarette. "I can guess how you feel, and I don't blame you. A lot has happened. For all of us." He takes another step closer. I lean into him feeling his calming demeanor, which could quickly fade, and I reluctantly nod in understanding. I can feel Trevor's eyes on me. “Now lets just do whatever stupid thing Trevor had in mind.”

“It’s not stupid , Micheal,” Trevor spat out, “It’s going to be the most fun you’ve had since The Big One. Now that (y/n) is here.”

“I doubt that, but it will be more fun with you.” Micheal said as he looked at me. I have a bad feeling but admittedly it was always fun when it was the three of us, so maybe it will be. I would still much rather walk away now. “We can get some decent alcohol and maybe it really will be ‘the most fun.’” I smile as he puts his arm around me soothingly.

“Hey, this was supposed to be me and (y/n)’s date. Not yours.” Trevor came up and took Micheal’s hand off my shoulder as he walked towards the truck. “Now lets go, we’ve gotta go now.” Michael began to walk with me back towards the car, “we can get your ‘sophisticated and expensive’ alcohol on the way.”

-

Once we were all back in Trevors truck, he revs up the engine and heads toward the highway, driving down to who knows where as he swerves in and out of the lanes. "Living sure sounds great you know." Micheal insists after offering to drive, but Trevor refused. But we can't complain, more drinks for Micheal and I, which we were bound to need knowing Trevor had plans. Drinking is slightly more difficult for me since I stupidly decided to ride in the bed of the truck, but only slightly, I’m still getting a buzz.

After awhile the truck starts to slow down so we pull into the closest gas station possible to fill up the tank, the two men step out, Trevor to get the fuel and Micheal to light up a cigarette. I hop out of the back and stumble into the store to get my hands on some more drinks. I try my hardest to seem sober as i smack what little money I have in my pockets on the counter for the alcohol. Michael and I almost knock right into each other as I attempt to rush out the door while he entered to buy a new pack of smokes. After gently placing the drinks into the back of the truck, I myself hop in and crack one open. Not long after Micheal joins in the bed of the truck and grabs a beer, "Sometimes cheap beer is a nice change of pace when I can't get to a decent liquor store."

"Hey. I gotta take a whizz, I'll be back." Trevor states and takes a gulp of my drink before heading i to the store.

"So what brings you out here?" Mikey quizzed. "I mean, to Los Santos, not the dirty bed of Trevor's truck."

"My sister. She moved out here awhile back and she called me out just to tell me she's going to have a kid." I motion for a cig and he tosses me his new pack.

"And how've you been?"

"Just peachy, living the life, I've made a million bucks since i've seen you last and I live a life of pleasurable leisure." I take in a long drag from the stick. "But of course we both now that's bullshit. I live by myself in a small house, shitty job, terrible love life. The usual." I push out everything from my lungs, "how you been?"

"Big house, life of pleasurable leisure, a million bucks."

"And your family?"

"Amanda's still a bitch, the kids are ungrateful and they all bleed me dry. But I don't know what I'd do with out them." I smile at that. "I bet the kids would love to see you before you go back."

"I'd like that. Maybe I can get them to listen to you again, like the old days." I raise my can.

"Oh please, do, by all means." he takes his can and bumps it with mine. "I've missed this. You were the only other sane person I knew."

"I would say the same but I'm still really pissed off at the both of you. Seriously? You could've said anything! Like 'Hey buddy, I'm alive and well but i gotta lay low, see you in ten years' or something." I take another drag of the cigarette before offering it back to him.

Before he could make a retort two gunshots could be heard from within the store and the vision of Trevor running out, covered in blood from the chest up, with a plastic bag full of cash.

_Of fucking course._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that in game it says that to get from South Los Santos to about Paleto Bay is 6-8 hours (I cant remember which) but lets pretend it doesn’t and takes much less time simply for story purposes and this chapter. Also I don’t remember setting this at any really specific point of the game so hopefully I’m not making any continuity errors with placing this sometime post game. Also Also I cannot write Micheal to save my life.


	9. Chapter 9

"Drive, drive, drive!!" Trevor is shouting as he runs towards the truck, bag swinging wildly as his arms go back and forth.

"You're the one who's driving asshole!" I yell to him from the trunk bed. "You didn't think this through did ya, you big idiot?" He shouts some profanities I can't quite hear through the blood rushing in my ears before throwing the plastic bag towards me, hitting square in my face, and he literally jumps into the drivers seat, peeling out of the station and ripping the gas pump line right out. I look into the bag and, yep, it's full of money and whatever Trevor could get his hands on, apparently he was particularly in the mood for some candy bars and cough syrup. I turn back around to face them, holding onto the wall separating us for dear life as Trevor drives like the maniac he is down the highway. "Hey!" I shout into his ear over the wind, "You're so fucking lucky I've been drinking or else I would kill you right here." I hand the bag to Micheal with one hand to make sure it does not fly out of the truck like I am likely to do.

He finally comes to a stop somewhere in the mountains, a good distance away from any roads with good tree cover from any sight, and he tugs the bag out of Micheals hands before quickly counting the money. "Whoo! Almost two hundred bucks! Good night for us, ey?" He shoves the money into one of the back pockets of his dirty jeans.

"I'm surprised you even got that much." Micheal notes.

"Better than what you would've gotten Townley." he retorts.

"I don't rob little _inconvenience_ stores." Trevor shoves a pointed finger in Micheals face before turning into a fist, shaking of anger before he drops it a few moments later.

"Hey, hey," I finish the can of beer in one gulp, "don't fight you guys, we just got free money! No reason to argue." I pat Micheals shoulder with one hand, "Don't be so negative Mikey."

"Booze sure makes you positive (y/n)."

I smile before turning to face Trevor, "And you," my other hand slams down onto his shoulder, "how could you just rob a place like that!?"

"What!?" He shouts in protest. "You literally just said not to argue because we got free money!"

"Yeah, okay, maybe! But I sure as hell didn't plan on being part of any crimes tonight! Or ever again for that matter! we were just supposed to have fun. Normal. Fun."

"That is fun!" he turns his entire body to face me at this point.

"Normal things people our age would do Trevor!"

He cups my face with his scared and scabbed hands. "We are not 'normal' (y/n)! We never were!"

"I think (y/n) left that kind of life when the two of us disappeared Trevor." Micheal pops in. "That fun is long since forgotten I'm assuming." He has a smug look on his face now.

"Hey!" I stumble to get out of the back and fall flat on my face doing so. "I am so still fun." I comment with my face still firmly planted in the dirt.

"Sure ya are Sweety." He steps out of the truck and purposefully stomp hard next to my hands just to scare me. "Prove it then." He states as he leans down to help me up, I always forget how strong he is.

My feet tangle together as I try to stand and I immediately tumble backwards again, the only reason the ground and I don't slam together again is because of Trevors arms keeping me afloat. "How... How do I prove something so trivial as being fun?" the words leaving my mouth are starting to slur, maybe I drank more than I thought.

"Surprise me." he says as he takes a step back from me and motions to get a cigarette from Micheal, who flicks one towards him from the other side of the truck.

"Isn't the fact that I haven't left you two crazy guys yet tonight proof enough?" I go for another can of beer left in the trunk as Trevor shakes his head and Micheal shrugs his shoulders, both nonchalantly. "C'mon guys, it's still the fun me from way back when! Just... older... Old but fun is the way to be." I puff out my chest before cracking open the can and chugging it, throwing them both a finger gun to elicit some chuckles, that clearly doesn't work, they;re both silent.

"All right, I have an idea,' Micheal chimes in, "why don't we have (y/n) do what you just did. Rob a small store? We never had them do anything in the limelight back in the day, so why not?"

"That sounds terrible."

"No! It's perfect!" Trevor shouts out. "That's what we'll go do! You're starting to get drunk enough, you should be able able to do it without pussying out." He puts out the cigarette he barely smoked on the ground, grabs the can out of my hand before walking off. "I'll be back! Gotta take a piss for real this time."

I throw down the door to the truck bed and hop onto it, laying down in an attempt to get comfortable. "I hate you Micheal."

"Ahhh no you don't." He hops onto the back and lays down with me. "You know, you don't have to actually do this."

"I sit back up and reach over into the space between the drivers seat and passengers seat for another beer before lying back down. "What else should I do?" I lift up the tab and take a sip before offering it to Micheal, who gladly takes it. "I came out here for an apology! 'One last hurrah!' and I haven't gotten either. Well... I might get the latter..." He hands me back the drink and I stare at him.

"He's going to get you to do something stupid either way, like he's always done (y/n)." He turns his gaze towards me, "And I'm sure no matter what it is it won't be fun, but it's nice to see you again." He gave me a smile. "Plus a chance to drink with someone other than myself isn't such a bad prospect."

Laughter escapes me. "You're still a bigger softy than you try to come off as." He takes hold of my free hand and I take another drink from the can. "Good to know you haven't changed."

"I don't think you've changed all that much either (y/n)." He motions back for the can, taking a drink from it. "I think we're all still horrible people, but you, you were the least worse off. And that's saying a lot all things considered with Trevor." All I can manage out is an 'Ouch' as he laughs at his own joke, laughter is contagious I think as I start to laugh along with him. We both begin to quiet down and stare at each other, seconds before he goes in for a kiss. It's hot, and slimey, and wonderful. I can't help to kiss back, it must be the alcohol or maybe all the years of ignoring whatever it was between us, but I can't stop. The can that was in my hand was lost, rolling away and spilling all of its remaining contents, I run my hand down his chest and slip into his pants, feeling his growing erection, urging him to do more to me, but the both of us pull away as we hear Trevor in the distance.

Micheal quickly moves to get back into the passengers seat and once he is back in it I pull him in for one last kiss. "Not so boring now, am I?" I whisper to him before slinking back into the bed of the truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh.... almost a year later we get another chapter out. I'm sorry. ;u_u I got a laptop so maybe that will help? I doubt it though lol


	10. Chapter 10

Trevor came back walking back up the hill towards the truck, zipping up his jeans before pounding his hands on the side of the back trunk space. “Long time no see, fuckers!” He hopped over the side into the bed, feet either side of me, dropping to his knees and bringing me into a sudden and hard kiss. I pull him back down with me, grinding into him as I pull at the little hair left on the back of his head, biting his lip before breaking the kiss. “God, I’ve missed this.” He whispers before diving back in and biting my neck and dragging a moan from my lips.

The sound of Micheal clearing his throat could be heard from a mile away. “Hey! Can we move along here? I ain’t gonna be a third wheel while you two fuck right behind me.” I look up see him turned around in his seat, glaring at the two of us with a lit cigarette in one hand. “What drugs did you just huff while you were out there?”

Trevor laughs, “Got some gas on my shirt earlier, huffed the shit out of it,” he grinds down into me, “I feel amazing.” His voice is gruff and gravely as he goes back down for another kiss.

“If you don’t stop I am walking away.”

“I think he’s right Trev,” I whisper to him. “We can continue this later.” I pat his stubbly cheek and move to sit up, the say with a smile, “C’mon, let’s go do something incredibly stupid.” Trevor groans before standing back up and hurdles himself over the top frame into the drivers seat. I shift myself so that I can close the back door to the bed, which is heavier than I thought but maybe that’s the alcohol weakening my muscles, before shuffling back towards the two men. I motion for Micheals cigarette and take a puff before handing it back to him. I’m suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia, this moment feels just like the old days, ten years ago, and I shake my head before I let myself drown in the memories.

Trevor starts up the engine and peels off back towards the road, leaving a trail of dust in our wake of the quiet night, and I sit back facing away from the two and watch as the trees disappear behind us. I pick up a small lightening bug that had landed on the metal surface and watch it crawl over my skin, flickering its light every once in awhile, and I can’t help but to smile and the soft cuteness of the bug. I try to shield it from the intense wind caused by Trevors driving as I listen in to the men bickering in the front seats, Micheal is trying to talk Trevor out of this but he isn’t budging, just like always, when he had a thought in his head he would stick to it.

I can feel the pit in my stomach grow bigger the longer I sit here and watch the trees turn into buildings, back into trees and eventually gradually turn to sand, he took us back to this hell-hole. He pulls up and parks behind some abandoned and wrecked home, turns off the lights to his truck and steps out of the vehicle. “Let’s go! C’mon c’mon c’mon!” He yells at the two of us as he walks around and tugs down the back door of the truck. “I know just what to do!” He helps me out of the back after I scoot towards the front of its end, the dirt that kicks up from my feet hitting the ground immediately makes me cough a little.

“So what is this plan of yours T?” Michael steps out and walks towards the both of us. “I’m not really in the mood anymore.”

“Well, (y/n) here is going to raise some hell.” His arm slinks around my waist and he pulls me close, he smells just as I remember and I can’t believe I’m falling back into all of this again. “They’re going to go stick some people up, rob ‘em if you will, somethin simple.”

Michael looks around, “What people Trev?” he outstretches his arms as he shifts side to side, “There’s no one here.”

“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong! You just don’t know where to look.”

“There’s no one here!” he raises his voice, they’re about to argue again.

“Uhm,” I pipe up, “I don’t know if I’m okay with this.”

“See, (y/n) doesn’t want to do it anymore T.”

“Oh they’re gonna do it.” He replies through clenched teeth. He pulls out a gun from behind his back and hands it to me. “Don’t worry, you ain’t gotta kill nobody, just, scare ‘em a little.” I shrink away from him, unease still welling up inside of me. I miss having nothing to do with all of this., this was a mistake.

“We’ll be there for you (y/n), from a distance I suppose.” Michael says as he walks up and places a hand on my shoulder. I still do not feel good about this.

Trevor starts guiding me away from the truck, Michael walking a few steps behind, in the direction of a rundown and abandoned motel in the distance. The place was in shambles, decrepit, and absolutely disgusting, I can see from here the roof on one part of the building caved in and I can see all the terrible graffiti. The closer we get the more I can smell the rancid smell caused by the rats I can see running around, the dead unfinished carcasses of animals the coyotes have left behind, feces of who knows what and rotting food. The air around it is stagnant, or maybe I’m just having a hard time breathing as I slip into a panic attack.

The three of us walk through the open hallway and stop just behind a small rusting metal fence, a broken off piece that once surrounded the pool, which is now drained and full of trash. The voices of a few people could be heard echoing out of the stone pool on the other side of the makeshift wall. “Okay, now, (y/n) this is what you need to do.” Trevor takes my hands and shows me how to believably hold the pistol he had handed me earlier, “Just point it towards the kids in that hole and yell something at them. Something good and convincing! Get something out of them.” He quickly takes a peek out from the side of the fence before coming back and saying, “I’m going to dash over there to the other piece of fencing, that way we’ve got a good angle on you from both sides, just in case. Not that I don’t think you can’t do it baby.” A grunt leaves him as he rubs up against me before running away.

“I don’t think I can do this Michael.” I turn towards him, hands obviously shaking.

“Don’t worry, you’ve got this. Just go down there, give them a scare and go on your merry fuckin way.” He grabs my hands to steady them. “Just give them a scream or somethin. When you get back, we can do whatever you want, you’ve always done what we want. If this is one last hurrah lets make it YOURS.” He gives me a pat on the shoulder and turns me around, then leans into my ear, “I’ll have your back.” And with that he shoves me out from the safety of the fence. Luckily the people didn’t hear me trip with the sound of shuffling gravel.

I stalk my way around the pool, trying to avoid the shadows that are being cast by whatever source of light they are using down at the deep end. I lay low and quietly take step by step around until I can see the back of one of their heads, a woman with long knotted hair, perhaps homeless? I stand up quick and jump into the pool, startling the four people sitting around a makeshift fire of trash, and I start screaming. “Don’t make a move! Give me everything you’ve got on you!” I’m visibly shaking again, I don’t want to do this, one of the men dig into their coat pockets and throws what change he had, it looks about five dollars. “I-I don’t want your money! Give me everything you have!” I point the gun towards the one who just threw his change and he flinches as the barrel comes to rest in front of him.

“Wh-what do you want f-from us!” The knotted hair woman pleaded. I could see the other man behind her piss himself. The sight made me stop shaking, in a weird way I felt powerful.

“Take everything you have off and go!” The people looked confusedly at each other. “What did I say? Do it!!” I move the gun around a bit at all of them until they all start to fumble with their clothing, stripping bare, the two women began to cry as they try to hide themselves from my sight. I’m so sorry. “Go! Get out of here!” I shout at them, I make a move to seem as if I am going to strike the woman closest to me. The group of four get to their feet and start running as fast as possible and I watch them go, I can’t tell if the pit in my stomach is growing or shrinking.

I can hear Trevors laughter loud and clear behind me, I turn to see him coming out from behind the fence, clapping, “Way to go, way to go!” He hops down into the deep end by the fire. “I didn’t think it would be that easy, but hey! You did it!” He walks up to me and pats me on the back.

Michael comes walking up and lowers himself into the empty pool as well. “I agree, that was pretty easy, a good starting point for ya. Funny as hell too. But I think we should do what (y/n) wants to do know, T.” By the time he finishes he’s up besides the two of us.

“And why’s that? What we’ve been doing is fun!”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think they want to do this.”

“You don’t know (y/n) like I do Mikey!” He moves to be up in his face. I quietly slink down while they argue to rummage through the clothing left behind, there’s some money and half eaten candy bars, and meth, there is a bag of meth in the back pocket of these jeans. Not surprising with this being drug central.

“Uh, hey, check this out.” I hold up the bag towards them, immediately catching their attention.

“Ah no way!” Trevor swipes the bag from my hand and suddenly pulls out a glass pipe, putting a few rocks inside and lighting it up. I stand back up, watching dumbfounded as he takes drugs right in front of us, he has changed so much.

“Let’s go (y/n), you don’t need to deal with him when he’s like this.” He takes my hand and I willingly start walking away with him.

“Hey hey hey!” Trevor shouts as he comes out of that initial blissful high, he starts towards us and yanks Michael towards him with one strong pull. “You can’t take them away from me! (Y/N) came out here for me!”

“I love them just as much as you T! I won’t make them do something they don’t want to do!”

“Don’t spit this bullshit to me, Michael! You just don’t want me to be happy!” That hits me hard.

“Hey.” I try interjecting, “Hey.” I try one more time but louder. “Hey!!” I shout to get their attention, when the both finally stop and take a step back from each other I grant them with my voice. “Neither one of you can tell what I want. You haven’t seen me for ten years! For all you know, I’m a totally different person! I only did what you wanted Trevor so that we could go back to never speaking again! And you Michael, just stop trying!” An involuntary huff escapes me. “Can we just, can we just all go back now?”

“I’m sorry (y/n), but I don’t think I can. Not tonight. Call me before you leave town, okay?” He takes out a cigarette and lights it before waving and walking out of the pool. I watch him disappear into the distance, my heart drops a little, I feel like I’m being left behind again.

“Well well well, it’s back to the two of us.” Trevor walks up behind me and grinds against me. “You were really hot tonight, really got me goin.” His voice sounds like knives against me in the silence of the night. “I want you so bad.” He licks his lips before going in for a bite, the sensation feels wrong, I slip away from him. “What’s up, buttercup?”

“I... I don’t think I can be around you anymore Trev! nothing feels right anymore...”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m glad you still consider me a thing that makes you happy but... I just, I just don’t feel the same now as I did before!” A lie, this night brought everything back for me, I just want nothing to do with it. “I need to go home.” I don’t need to be hurt anymore.

“But (y/n)! We could be a thing again! I want you with me!” He tries to walk towards me but my feet step away from him, every step forward is one back for me, I want to run. “I’ve missed you so much! I love you!” Those words triggered the dash button connected to my feet and I take off, running as fast as I can towards the desert. I can hear him yelling love confessions behind me. My chest hurts and and I can feel tears running down my cheeks, the empty desert seems so fast right now and it feels like I’m getting nowhere.

I eventually fall to my knees somewhere, by a dirt road as far as I can tell, and I let it all out. The frustration burns my lungs as I scream, the years of lies break my skin as they pound into the dirt, the heartbreak falls from my eyes in the form of tears and the fear eventually closes my throat. I sit there, hunched over and crying, small spatters of blood beneath my fingers, waiting for my emotions to fade. Not long after the lights of a car land upon my broken figure, stopped just a couple feet away and I can feel the fear within me rising again, until I see Micheal kneel before me with an outstretched hand. “Let’s go.” I take his hand and he pulls me up in one swift motion, helping me to the, presumably stolen, car.

Once both inside he turns the music to something soft and low, pushes on the gas and starts driving us towards the highway.

I feel empty inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh my goooodddd. Two chapters? In less than a week!? Whaaaaaaaaat???? Oh man the world must be ending.


	11. Chapter 11

As we're heading back Michael offers me to stay the night or 'Stay in a classy hotel' and I of course chose his home, that way I'm not completely alone, plus I don't want to spend more money than I already have here. He says Amanda and the kids are out on some kind of bonding trip which means the two of them probably had another fight and she left with some guy again. The rest of the drive back to Los Santos is quiet, painfully so and it feels as if it will never end, he doesn't try talking to me after the offer and lets me rest my head against the tinted window in peace, I'm sure he can sense how broken I feel right now, and I'm sure how I can barely keep my eyes open helps with the decision to stay quiet. But the exhaustion is hitting me, like a car hitting a wall, the adrenaline is wearing off and the buzz fading fast. I silently slip into some sleep.

The sun is rising as I open my eyes, I slightly lift my head to see us pulling into a driveway through a gate, how rich was Michael again? I wipe the bleariness and look out the car window at his home, a mansion, he lives in a damn mansion now. What a drastic change from the small ranch style home he had back in the 'shitty' part of town in North Yankton. The payoff for whatever he and Trevor did a decade ago must have been huge. Nonetheless, it's a beautiful home, and is that palm trees I see? Imported palms? Just how much money does Mikey have?

He parks the garage just outside of the garage, saying that he'll get rid of it later when neither of us are about ready to drop dead. He steps out of the car and walks around to open the door for me, careful to make sure I didn't slip out since I was still leaning against it, he puts an arm around my waist after I stumble out of the car to support me as we walk into his home. I can immediately tell that Amanda does the decorating, absolutely none of this is Mikey at all, well except maybe all the alcohol I can see in the kitchen. He walks us straight into the open living room and helps me sit down onto the overly white and plush couch. "There anything I can get you?" I shake my head before pausing and asking for a glass of water, he nods and leaves the room. I look around at all the knick-knacks around the room, the family pictures scattered about, man his kids sure have grown up, I remember when they were just little kids bouncing with way too much energy. I look out into his backyard from the couch, there's so much green and there is no way any of them take care of it, so he even has enough money to hire people? The past decade has been good to him. He walks back and sets the crystal clear glass onto a coaster on the glass table before us, takes a seat on the couch and looks at me. "So, you gonna tell me why you were out in the desert? Alone?"

I try to answer but my throat is too dry to speak, I reach for the glass and take a gulp before trying again. "He told me he loved me." The glass makes a small tapping sound as I set it back down.

“He’s always said that to you though, (y/n), so what really happened? What did he do?”

“No, really, that was it. But it felt different this time, I was scared so I ran! I just ran and ran until my legs gave out.” I can feel my eyes getting hotter. “I didn’t know what to do, Mikey.” I lean forward, my elbows on my knees, face in hands. I flinch at the feeling of his hand on my back before he begins to rub soothing circles into my back.

“What were you scared of?” He leans in to try and see my face so I shy away. This is embarrassing.

“I was scared, I’m _still_ scared, of falling back into what we all had before! Falling back in love with him! I was scared of what I _myself_ will do! I left all of this behind years ago, I thought I was over it!” The tears begin falling out of my control. “I really thought I was over all of this... this **bullshit**..."

“I did too, until recent events pushed me back into the life as well. Sometimes, maybe, what we know best is better for us? I know I haven't always been the happiest person but, when I went into hiding I was pretty miserable, I didn't do anything but fight over stupid shit and sit around drinking. When shit hit the fan and brought me back in, I hadn't felt that alive in ages. I _feel_ alive again. Now, I’m no shrink so take my words with a grain of salt here, (y/n).” That got a smile out of me, a small one but it’s still a smile and he returned one. “That’s better! Hey, why don’t we watch something on t.v. huh?” He gets up in search of the remote, which is eventually found a few minutes later on one of the built in shelves behind us for whatever reason, and he turns on the giant screen across the room with a push of a button. He walks back around the couch and takes his seat again, “Any suggestions?”

I shake my head, “Anything that will distract me is good.” He shrugs in a matter of fact way and turns on ‘The Real Cunts of Suburbia’ and the immediate over the top yelling and fighting gets me to sit back up into the cushions, take a pillow into my lap and smile while watching intently. This show is so obviously staged but that doesn’t stop it from being an entertaining watch. I mean, really? It's all so over the top exaggerated and dumb, sometimes reality t.v. is pretty good.

“So... What are you gonna do now?” I hear from the side of me, his voice sounded so distant.

“I’m, I’m not sure... Go back to Nancy?" the volume of my voice feels barely audible. "Pray for this trip to be over soon?" I sigh and sink further into the couch, "This has been the most exhausting couple of days in my life.” I bring the pillow closer up to my chest and rest my head on it. “It’s also been very eye opening.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, like I’ve said before, turns out the past decade of my life has been a lie, that’s for starters. That's a pretty jarring thing to find out, and while I don't want to think of it, I keep thinking of all the ways my life could have gone. How different it would be, how different _I_ could be. All the what if's. Also I still have feelings for Trevors stupid ass, even after all this time _and_ despite whatever has turned him into the even crazier bastard he is today. Thought I'd hate him, but **nope**. Here I sit, still hung up on that son of a bitch. OH! And I myself am even worse than I thought! And tha-” Michael brings me into a gentle embrace, he smells faintly of of alcohol and strongly of redwoods, with a hint of aftershave. I crumble and wrap my arms around him.

“You need to calm down.” His fingers are running through my hair soothingly, he tightens the arm around me for a second before pulling back. “It takes time to think things out. Especially when you get hit with so much overwhelming information.” his mouth forms into a smile. “Relax.” I stare into his eyes for a minuscule of a second before throwing myself onto him, lips smashing as the two of us fall onto the rest of the couch, I straddle his hips as our tongues search each others mouths. He grabs me by the shoulders and pulls me off of his lips, “What are you doing?”

I’m panting heavily, “I just, need you right now.” I grind my hips down onto him, earning a groan as he moves his hands to my hips. “Fuck me, Michael.”

He smirks, “I wouldn’t pass up the chance.” and he closes the space between us as he sits back up, calmly laying me onto my back before taking off his suit jacket and shirt. I hastily do the same to the dirty shirt I’m wearing, throwing it across the room and pulling him back down to me. I can tell how needy I’m coming off but I can’t stop myself, can’t stop from tasting his lips, can’t stop my hands from roaming his body, feeling all the familiar and new scars on him.

He quickly takes to forming hickeys on my neck as he tugs at my jeans, biting every once in awhile to get a small squeal out of me. His mouth moves to my chest, nipping and kissing as he makes his way to my nipples, taking one into his mouth, twirling that amazing tongue around it, sending shivers down my spine. I task myself to getting my jeans off enough for him to move on, desperately, as I arch into him. He gets the hint to rip the pants off entirely along with my underwear, before getting rid of his own, itching to close the distance between us, rutting against me like his life depended on it.

I spread my legs and and allow him to position himself to enter me, a slow and drawn out motion he takes great pleasure in doing, my hands immediately go to clamor at his back as I reel in the unfamiliar stimuli. The sensation of him thrusting in and out while kissing at my neck threw me into a haze and my mind drifted to thoughts of the past when everything was okay. Well as okay as it could be between a couple of criminals. Thoughts of all the nights we spent together, laughing and drinking, having a good time, how Michael and I would be the leveling factors of the parties. His kids popped into view, how well I took care of them and how well Trevor took care of them, he loved those kids so much and, fuck, I’m crying now. There were so many missed chances. So many opportunities ripped away. The tears wont stop no matter how hard I try. “Are you okay?” I didn’t even notice him pause his actions, too caught up in my own thoughts, his hands either side of my head as he holds himself above me, “Do you want to stop this?” I shake my head no, distraction is what is needed now, I pull him back down into a kiss with one hand as the other goes to play with my sensitive spot. He slowly gets back into it, grunting with every thrust, and absentmindedly wipes away the tears from my cheeks.

His movements become erratic as he nears his end, a few rough pumps into me before he unravels, spilling inside my walls with a simple ‘fuck me’ that leaves his lips. A few moments of silence before he continues his movements in attempt to bring my own end into sight, it takes a few minutes but I eventually fall apart beneath him, clinging as I ride out my orgasm. The room is filled with the smell of sweat and the sound of heavy breathing, eventually he slips out and settles himself beside me on the narrow couch, wrapping one arm around my waist and holding us close. “I’ve wanted that for so long.” He whispers into my neck with a kiss.

“I would be lying if I said I hadn’t ever thought of it.” He takes me by the chin and kisses me but I pull away. “This can’t happen again though Mikey. This was a mistake, a good mistake, but a bad one.”

A nod, “I get it, I really do. I mean, you screamed Trevors name as you came.” I’m sure my face is beat red in embarrassment as I hadn’t even noticed that happened. “But let’s not ruin the night,” he pulls me closer, “Let’s get some sleep.”

I let myself fall into his warm and inviting embrace as I fade into the much needed sleep I have been missing out on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured it was time for some semblance of smut, don't worry there'll be an actual scene with Trevor ;))


	12. Chapter 12

The charred smell of burning bacon is what wakes me up, if I didn't know better I would say it smells like burning flesh but it's nowhere near as bad of a smell. I groggily stretch out on the couch until my back cracks and sink back into the cushions, _that first morning stretch is everything that's good in life_ , after a few seconds I sit upright and realize just how stiff my neck is. Insufferable. I remember sleeping on a couch being slightly less terrible. "Hey!" I shout out as I try and massage the stiffness out of my neck. "Mikey! How are you burning bacon?" All I get in response is an exasperated sigh from the kitchen.

I pry myself up off of the couch, stretch once more and step towards the kitchen, a chill runs up my spine as my feet transition onto the cold wooden floor from the plush carpet of the living room. I rub off the goosebumps from my arms and when I look back up I'm met with Micheal standing in front of the stove in only a pair of boxers. "No fair," I quietly say as I sleepily stride towards him. I stick one finger into the waistband of the underwear and pull back, enjoying the snapping sound. "I didn't get the memo to put anything on."

"No one's stopping you." He chuckles as he moves the pan from one burner to another. Even with us a step away, a stray bead of grease still catches my arm and I quickly wipe it away.

The bacon has already begun to turn black and I put one hand over Micheals, "It's over, you've killed it."

"One of the only things I will actually regret killing." He turns off the stove top and spins around in my arms, closes the space between us with a kiss. "Good morning." I can feel the smile on his lips before even opening my eyes back up, I return one chaste kiss before stepping away. "What's up? Not up for breakfast"

I shake my head before answering, "Not really, sorry Mikey." My feet begin dragging me back around to the living room, "I really need to get back home before my sister kills me, you remember Nancy right? I know I mentioned her last night but... yeah." He replies with a simple 'Yeah' and I continue. "I shouldn't have left int he first place, it was a mistake, I mean, this whole trip has been a mistake. Jesus. What am I even doing." I tug my pants back on before going for my shirt, not even bothering with the underwear.

"I... I get that. Do you want me to give you ride home?" He steps into the archway between the kitchen and living room and watches me.

"Nah, I'll just call a cab or something. I won't get back until the evening either way."

"Can save a little money with me though, I wont charge you too much." I smile.

"I'm fine, really," I step over and hug him from the side, "I've got a few things I want to do before heading back. Maybe see the city a little bit, find out what makes this place 'so great' and stuff. Maybe be that tourist everyone hates." I snicker and give him a full on hug. "I'll talk to you later okay? See if we can't hang out one more time before I leave for good." I head towards the door and step out. The hangover is already calling me back to the couch.

The blinding sunlight is only second worst to the loud sounds of the city once I get outside, my head is pounding, and I grimace at the seemingly cheerful town. Once on the sidewalk I start towards the park down the street, doing my best to avoid every jogger and self centered asshole on their phone. Once finally at the park I take a seat on the only available bench facing the street and wait for a cab to drive by, I absentmindedly watch the dogs every once in awhile and marvel at how flexible the people doing yoga are under the trees, _I used to be that flexible_. Before I get too jealous I turn my attention back towards the road, seeing nothing but fancy sports and luxury cars passing by, once again proving that Micheal really is well off now.

Eventually I am able to hail a cab and I give the driver a quick wave before hopping into the back seat and tell them the address I'm wanting to go to. After about twenty minutes we pull up to the bar that Trevor was claiming to own, traffic was actually generous and we got there quickly. The cabbie pulls into the back lot and I jump out of the car, I can hear them yelling at me as I head up the stairs in the back, I yell at them to wait, that I'll only be a few minutes. I walk down the narrow hallway and down the stairs towards the actual venue. I take a good look around the dirty place, a chance I didn't quite have the night before, there's blood by the stage. I walk up to the bar unnoticed and take a seat. It almost feels like the bartender is ignoring me after a few minutes of silence, "Excuse me." I pipe up and the young man behind the counter barely looks up. "Can I speak to you?" He hesitantly steps over after setting the glass he was cleaning down with the others. "Are you the manager here?" He shakes his head. "Well, can I speak to the manager?" The young guy stutters out that he's not supposed to let anyone speak to him, that he has a very quick temper and little patience. My mind immediately turns to Trevor. Is he here right now? I insist on speaking with him anyways, say it's important.

Eventually the bartender agrees from my pestering and exits from behind the bar to head back up the staircase that I had already walked down not too long ago. About ten minutes later he appears from the top and hurries back down the steps with a rather large man in tow behind him, the young man quickly ducks back behind the bar and gestures towards the man who followed him who was now standing opposite of me. He's an older looking man with thinning hair, dressed is disgustingly dirty clothes that barely covered his beer belly and he reeked with he stench of weed and maybe the smell of not showering regularly. "What do you want?" He groaned out.

"I need the name of the person who owns this establishment." I try to keep my voice as pleasant and business like as possible.

"Can't say." He tries folding his arms against his large chest.

"Ok, I demand to know."

"What you want means nothing to me."

"I'm really going to get pissed off, sir."

"Look, I don't know who you are and I don't really care, but I ain't tellin you nothin lady."

I can feel my fists begin to ball up painfully, "Just tell me who owns the place." He laughs in my face and before I even let him udder two more words, I take one of the empty bottles left on the counter and smash it just before holding it up to the mans throat. "Tell. Me." I can see the sweat begin to form on his brow but he stands firm on his defense. I press the glass into his skin, draw a little blood and repeat myself, I can feel him gulp thanks to the bottle despite all the fat on him. The bartender watches in awe on the other side of us, possibly in awe more so than shock.

"A-Alright! Alright, I'll tell you! Now back off of me!" I shake my head and tell him 'Not before I get my answer', "Fine! Trevor! The fucker who bought this place his name is Trevor!"

"Trevor what?"

"Phillips? I think! It was such an abrupt purchase I didn't pay attention."

I scoff and toss the bottle to the side, murmuring my disbelief in the fact that Trevor wasn't lying about this, I turn my gaze back on the fat man with a smile. "See? That wasn't so bad." A soft pat on the cheek and I make my way towards the back door, the two men left in shock behind me. I see the cabbie still sitting outside when I exit and shout to him my next stop as I walk towards the vehicle. I step into the back seat and pull my phone out only to see that it's died, so I look out the window and mentally prepare myself for the long ride ahead of me.

The next few hours are spent in relative silence, unwilling to make small talk with the driver, who seemed like a nice enough man but the mood for conversation is just not here. I think back on all the bullshit I've learned the past few days and I start to reminisce further back. How I actually enjoyed the life I lived when I was with the gang, how much the danger got me excited. How close as a family we all were. The unbearable heartache when I learned of their deaths, how betrayed I felt with Trevors disappearance, how angry I still am.

I want to scream.

Once we get back into Paleto Bay the sun has already set, the street lights are lit and the nightlife has begun. The driver stops outside of the bar I requested to be taken to and I step out the back, and stare up at the building. It's dirty and small but all to welcoming. I only take one step before the driver starts yelling at me to pay him, I turn to face him and just scream at him to fuck off but that didn't stop him from insisting, I start kicking his car as I yell, taking all my anger out on it. He eventually gets the idea and takes off as quickly as possible, leaving me as a huffing, short of breath mess in the dust. I straighten myself up and head through the door, ignoring all the people staring at me.

I head right up to the bar, take a seat and order a tall drink. The stool is sticky and the counter a disaster, I can hear a few people in the back arguing and I think I can smell piss, I shrug it all off in my desire for a buzz. I haven't felt the desire to be drunk this many days in a row in over a decade. The bartender comes over and hands me a tall glass of 'Pisswater' beer in a dirty glass, I ignore the glass and down the drink in a few seconds before asking for another. I'll go home when I'm good and drunk.

A woman comes up and takes a seat next to me and orders a drink. "So, what's up your ass?"

"Excuse me?" I can hear myself beginning to slur and the grip on my glass tightens.

"Oh, sorry, I saw you outside, all the yelling. Just curious what it was about." She dips her head in thanks towards the bartender before taking a sip from her drink and slipping her a few bills. "Getting angry people here? Not unusual. Getting angry people who attack cars? Now that's unusual."

"I've been through some shit, I'm tired and angry, I'm broke, I just wanted to get drunk."

"Can't blame you there." She pats me on the back and I gulp down the rest of my drink before standing back up, trying to convey I don't want to talk. She pays for my drinks and follows me out the bar, "Look, if you ever need to talk, give me a call." She quickly pulls a card out of her purse and scribbles her number onto the back before handing it to me, "I won't charge you a dime, you're very interesting. Plus you remind me of a young me, so much anger, I love it. I'll help you in any way I can." She winks at me and walks down the street. I flip the card over, it reads 'Sandra Adkins: Attorney at Law.' Interesting. I pocket the card and turn to the only person standing outside of the bar, a man smoking on one side of the door and ask to bum a cigarette. He obliges and hands me one after lighting it with his own, I step over to be next to him, leaning against the building. A rat passes by us and I sigh. I can feel the exhaustion in my bones.

I stomp the cigarette about halfway through it and thank the guy before heading down the street towards Nancys home. The walk wasn't long, about 30 minutes give or take, but it was insufferable with all the people and hookers pestering me on my way to the suburbs.

I find myself in front of Nancys house, body feeling like its made of lead and drag myself to the front door. I ring the doorbell and am met with the face of my little sister, full of tears. She throws herself on me before I can even get a word out, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "Where have you been!? I was so worried!" I feel her tears on my skin as she buries her face into the crook of my neck. "You never answered me! Or anyone!"

"I'm really sorry sis." I reciprocate her hug tight.

"You were gone when I woke up! I didn't know what to do... I was so scared..." I try and apologize again but the voice I hear coming from inside stops me. Nancy feels me tense up, releases our hug and takes my hand to lead me inside to the family room, where I see Trevor, standing in front of the television that's playing a hockey game, yelling. He stops a moment later after realizing my presence in the room and turns to us.

"Welcome home."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2018


	13. Chapter 13

He stands there in the brightly lit room, smiling at us with that shit-eating grin of his, arms outstretched in a gesture suggesting he would want a hug, and when no one moved an inch he threw them down and scowled. "So what?" I can see him begin to fidget in discomfort as Nancy and I continue to stare at him ,myself in disbelief, and I can feel Nancys grip tighten around my hand. "Say something dammit!" He shouts at us as he quickly picks up a pillow from the couch behind him and throws it towards us, I swat it away with my free hand and quickly cover my mouth to stifle the laughter trying to seep from it. He was always this childish. "What!?" He huffs out in frustration.

"It's just, it's just you really ain't as scary as you're trying to be." A giggle escapes me, "I mean, you threw a pillow of all things. A pillow!" I can't hold it back any longer and I let the laughter flow, doubling over and resting my hands on my knees, tears falling to the floor.

“Hey. Hey!” the sound of him stomping a foot reaches my ears. “Stop it dammit!” I can hear him start towards us and I peer up in time to see him grab for Nancy but she backs away, a few steps behind me now, I stay hunched in fear.

"No Trevor! You stop it! You're only here because I asked you to be!" She somehow manages to get a slap in before shrinking behind me once again. "I'm sorry (y/n), I didn't know what else to do." I straighten myself back up to look at her and ask what she means. "You never answered me! I was afraid, I didn't know what happened to you! Knowing that he's around! I... I asked around for something on Trevor, hoping that maybe you _would_ be with him, and it's actually not hard to do. Turns out he supplies half the damn drugs around here!" I look at him, anger written all over my face, _so it's true_ , but I'm not surprised, it makes sense, and all the scars and bruises on his arms I don't remember? My face turns into one of sympathy and I can't help but feel sorry for him. He's gotten so much worse since I last _knew_ him.

He looks at me in disgust before moving on, "Luckily, not only did your twat of a sister call me but my piss poor excuse of a manager did too." he turns to pay his direct attention only to me. "So, where have you been?"

"what do you mean?" I narrow my eyes at him.

"You ran away! In the middle of the night, in the desert! You know what people like me _do_ to people wandering around the desert at night?" I really don't want to know the answer to that. His voice soft he continued, "I was worried about you?" He grabs my wrist with seemingly all his strength and brushes my palm with the scarred and scabbed fingers of his other hand. "You left me."

A scoff escapes me. "I left _you_?" You left _me_! For ten fucking years!" I snatch my hand back and spit in his face. "You were the love of my life and you just left without so much as a phone call saying, 'oh, fuck you, I'm out of here!' for over a decade! I leave for a night and you piss yourself and cry about it? Fuck you!" He screams and grabs me by the shirt and pushes me against the wall behind us, Nancy dashing out of the way and running upstairs to grab her husband. I claw at his arms and kick at his legs as I dangle a foot off the ground. "Let go." I struggle to voice out. I can hear Nancy running and crying down the stairs, I look to the side of Trevor and see her standing there with her husband in fear, crying for Trevor to let me go. My mind is reeling. All the screaming and the blinding lights and the suffocating feeling of Trevors weight against me is clogging my thought.

And suddenly my mind was clear, I reach out and caress Trevor's cheek with one hand, the other still firmly on his own, and I smile at him. "Let me go." His grips slacks a bit. "Let's take this outside."

He lowers me down back to the floor and agrees, "After you sweetheart." I can hear him biting his tongue in anger, trying not to lash out again. I look back at Nancy and give her a reassuring smile and mouth 'I've got this' before taking Trevor by the hand and leading him out the front door. I walk us around the house and down the built in steps that lead to the beach below, the air is cool and the sound of crickets soothing. Once we reach the last step I let go of his hand and sit down, taking off my shoes to set to the side of the step before sticking my feet into the sand. The sensation unfamiliar but nice, soft between my toes, I stand back up and begin to walk towards the water in the distance, about midway through I turn back to see Trevor  sitting down and taking off his blood and piss covered boots as well, tossing them to the side before walking onto the beach.

Trevors stares at me before walking towards me, slowly and cautiously like a tiger stalking it's prey, and once he is only a few feet away I take off running towards him and tackle him to the ground, something he only half expected seeing as he put on foot behind him when I started to run. I sit atop him, legs straddling either side of his chest, pinning him down and barely winning the struggle. "You're a bastard!" I shout into the night, "I wish you would've just died in that heist all those years ago!" I punch him as hard as I can in the face, beating my hands against his chest like a child in a temper-tantrum, "You disgusting excuse of a man!!" I hit him one last time in the face and that's the last straw, he pushes me off and back, sits on my chest and pins my hands over my head. I struggle with all my strength against him. "Fuck you! Let me go Philips!" I manage to get my hands out of the sand by an inch before he pushes them back down again. I yell and scream, not for help but at him, until my very last breath, exhausted. I feel my eyes start to burn before it registers to me that I'm crying. "I hate you." I whisper. Defeated.

"No, ya don't." He hesitantly lets go of my hands, testing to see if I would fight back and when I don't move he gets up and sits next to me. "You're just angry. I get that." He looks down at me and I cover my face in shame. "I'm always angry, trust me, I understand." A few minutes of silence, only the sound of splashing waves to fill them, before he speaks up again. "I missed you." a curt statement. He lays next to me and I turn away from him. "I know that you're pissed, and I deserve that, but I'm glad to see you here." He smells like he hasn't showered in a few days. "I love you." My leg reflexively kicks him, he doesn't say a word in response to it, instead he continues. "I never stopped you know."

We lay there together in the sand, not saying a word, listening to the ocean and the wind, once an orca call could even be heard. I can't see it but I hear a crab scuttling around above my head, I stare down the beach as far as I can, the moonlight illuminating only so much. Eventually I roll onto my back to star up into the sky, only a handful of stars could be seen past the smog and light polluted atmosphere. "Trevor?" I whisper, hes quiet for a moment, afraid he might have fallen asleep but he finally answers. "Do you remember when we met?"

 

“Of course, you tried to pick me up like some common whore.”

"Yeah... I regret that. Ever meeting you I mean." My chest hurts. "That was the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I never met you." I spat out before my throat started to tighten, I feel his fingers ghost along my arm before taking a hand in his. My face starts to contort in a mixture of emotions, "I love you so much." I let the tears roll out once again, years worth of them built up and finally able to release, I only cried a handful of times after he disappeared. "I love you so fucking much, I regret it but I do. I love you!" My sobbing is embarrassing, the kind where you almost need to puke after awhile, but the sounds from my own mouth sound distant and quiet. Trevors hand moves to intertwine our fingers together, never once saying a word as I cry, and just lays there next to me in the dark.

Once I sound like I'm nearing an end he speaks out "Where were you?" his voice unusually soft. "Where'd ya go?"

I take a deep breath in in an attempt to calm myself enough to answer, but it still comes out shakey, "Micheals," I squeak out and the tears become uncontrollable again.

"Did you sleep with him?" My crying stops in shock but quickly resumes and that's all the answer he needed. "Mm, I'm not surprised. Was gonna happen at some point. Could always tell there was something there, but I guess it's better he did it now rather than sooner, I would've put his fat ass in the ground. Or maybe he should'a done it earlier. Saved us the trouble of wasted time and effort." He turns his head to look at me and I can feel his eyes staring at my face. "I know I'll never make you happy, but, I still have feelings, for you, I guess. Really strong feelings. I love you (y/n)." He grips my hand tight in attempt to keep me from running. "I do. I wanna be together again. Really try and make things work. If you want Mikey though, just know I'll kill you both." I know he's only half kidding but I smile a small smile and turn to look at him, his face as handsome and scarred as ever.

I stare into his dark eyes for a split second before going in for a kiss, awkward and deep  but Trevor pulls me in close anyways, the sound of of the sand dragging is soft like the sand building up between us as he closes the gap between our bodies. I pull away when I can no longer breath, gasping for air, "I want to love you again." a quick peck, "I really do." One of his hands finds its way to the back of my neck and he roughly pulls me back in for a kiss, seemingly starving for the affection. I greedily paw at his shirt and grind against him before suddenly pushing him away.

"What's wrong now?"

"I-I don't want this?" my voice thick with uncertainty.

"What the hell do you want then?" He leans back in, our noses almost touching. "I'm getting real tired of this bipolar bullshit."

I open my mouth to speak but silence myself, a million thoughts running through my head, and I sit up once my mind settles on one. "I'm scared Trevor. I want things to be how they were but it's been so long, and I feel so old, I miss what we used to have." A sigh and I drag my fingers through my hair. "But I just can't trust you."

"You're not old, we're at the prime of our lives." he sits up next to me and I stand, dusting myself off.

"Things have changed, Trevor, I'm tired."

He scrambles to his feet and turns me to face him with one hard yank of my arm, "You keep saying that. Do something about it then." He growls through clenched teeth. "Stop being such a pussy." My eyes dart back and forth between his, my head falls in despondency before he lets me go, ' _fuck this_ ' he says as he turns away with a scratch of his cheek.

I watch as he walks away, the crashing sound of the ocean growing in volume, a single gull cries out somewhere above me and a sudden feeling of dread washes over me, feeling like I'm sinking into a void. "Hey!" I call out, the sound feels like crawling out of the darkness. He stops in his tracks seemingly halfway down the beach and I build up the strength the to shout twice as loud. "He-Hey! Do ya need a ride buddy?" I stand there, heart feeling like it might just burst out of my chest at any moment for minutes before he turns around.

"Nah beautiful, not tonight." He shouts back. My heart leaps into my throat and I take a few steps towards him before asking again, he does the same before replying with a curt 'fine' and I take off running to him. He takes a few large steps to meet me and I leap into his arms, in joy this time rather than anger, with enough force to almost knock us over again and he holds me tightly in the embrace just a little bit off of the ground. "Are you happy now?" He strokes my hair after taking a whiff. "You got me into your car."

“So what do you want to do with me now?” I whisper as I bury my face into his chest. 

"Oh, I can think of a few things sweetheart." He grinds against me and I gasp in excitement, one swift pull of his dirt covered shirt for a kiss and we're back on the ground, limbs entangled while our mouths fight for dominance. His hands pushing my own into the sand as he ruts himself against my legs, his mouth licking and biting it's way down my neck in a way I haven't experienced in a long time, he shouts in frustration when he gets to my shirt, _It's in the way_ , and he rips it off over my head and continues his assault down my upper half. His hands let mine go and one trails its way down my body and into my pants, poking and prodding and massaging, the other plays with my nipples. My free hands go straight for his hair and neck, nails digging which only spurs him on more.

He pauses for a moment after a heated kiss and asks, "Are you finally okay with this?" his voice gruff with desire, and I vigorously nod and grip his hair, his lips curl into a grin and continues on. His mouth finally makes its way to my navel and he takes the hand already in my pants out, teasingly lowers them inch by inch between nips at my stomach before finally just tearing the pesky clothing away and tossing them across the beach. He smirks at the sight of me and buries himself between my legs, taking me into his mouth, tongue working magic I forgot existed, and  ringing moan after moan from my lips.

I urge him to take his own clothes off, feeling a little more than embarrassed being the only nude person on the beach tonight, and he removes his own at the speed of light before crashing back down with a kiss and grinding himself against me, whispering sweet nothings into the night. I claw at his back, leaving deep scratches in my wake that will stay for days at least, trying to convey my need. He gets the idea and with one hand quickly aligns himself with me and, with one quick thrust, enters me, ripping a shocked gasp from my lips laced with a twinge of pain. He coos and relishes in the familiar feeling before continuing on and picking up speed, my arms pulling him close and kissing him as roughly as his hips pound into me.

A gasp escapes me when he hits just the right spot within me, he smugly bites my neck as he continues to strive for the exact spot over and over again, getting me to cry out in pleasure and bring tears to the corners of my eyes. He flips my body onto its side, holding one leg up into the air against him and trapping the other between his legs as he fights for his own release, his other hand playing at my most sensitive spot in an attempt to bring me to my own end.

He reaches his climax after a few minutes and rides out his orgasm with a few ruts, proud of himself for coming inside of me for the first time in years, and falls on top of me in a limp heap. I complain to him to get off of me. "Gimme a minute, Babe. I'm not done with you yet." Breathing heavily, voice raspy, he gasps for air. I lay there trapped between him and the sand growing increasingly more uncomfortable before he snakes one hand back down between my legs, entering two fingers to play with me, reaching for that one spot again and messaging it until I reach my orgasm. he watches as my face scrunches up in pleasure, fingernails digging into his shoulders, and he wears that wicked grin of his as he pulls the two fingers out and licks them.

"You're disgusting." I breath out and he chuckles as he lays back down next to me. "That hasn't happened that in awhile."

"I remember doin this just a few days ago, darlin."

"I don't." I remind him. A minute passes in silence when he has no clever retort. "I think I've got sand in places I will never reach."

"Mm. yeah, you get used to that." He drags a finger across and under my chin to face him. "But I can always help you reach those places." He goes in for a kiss and I smile into it.

"Yeah? I'd like that. I'll think about it."

"You think? You think!?" 

"Trevor, I still have a life outside of this place! Back _home_. I didn't say no. I just need to think about it."

"Think on it? Think an it like you thought on Mikey?" He rushes to his feet and I get up to see him gather his clothes, stomping off with no shame.

"That doesn't even make sense Trevor!" I shout after him and within seconds he ascends the stairs and disappears into the night, leaving me sitting alone on the beach. I take a handful of sand and feel it spill through my fingers before the wind sends a shiver down my spine and I get up and collect my own clothes, get dressed and begin up the stairs myself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put my all into this chapter, I hope it shows. Also I think this is the longest chapter in it now.
> 
> Hoping to be finally done with this in a few chapters aannnnd maybe do a lil something special for it afterwards


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